Upgraded for more sexiness as of 8-24.
This is the longest rant you will ever read.
Hey, I've only been playing FFXI about four months now, but I've learned a lot in my travels across Vana'diel. In fact, I've learned a few things that very few people know, and a lot of people desire to know. For starters, I know:
-The point of FFXI.
-How to make millions upon millions of gil.
-How to pleasure a woman using only your tongue.
You're probably thinking, "How does this noobface level 47 (now 55) MNK know anything about this game?!" It's because I read up on this game constantly, because AP Calculus leaves me sitting at my computer desk for half my goddamn day. But here, allow me to elaborate.
I. What's the Point of FFXI?
The point of FFXI is to have fun. Yep, you probably already knew that but didn't know that you knew it. But you're probably wondering, "Well, what's the best way to have fun?" I know that too! The best way to have fun is to level up as high as you can go so you can do the amazingly fun things that only amazingly high levels get to do, such as HNM fights, Dynamis, hardcore Ballista, you name it! It's all incredibly fun, but you can't do it until you get to about level 70.
A. How Do I Get to That Level?
I may not be there yet, but I know how to do get to level 70. You get to level 70 by getting EXP in parties. Har har. But you're thinking, "Well, how do I get them there parties?" You have a few options:
-Go to the areas where everyone levels (Valkurm Qufim Kazham Garlaige Crawlers' Kuftal) and wait for invites. Put a search comment up and all that. Just hope.
-Go to the better areas that fewer people go to for some ungodly reason that I have yet to fathom. Invites take a lot longer, but they are far better EXP.
-Seek in Jeuno. Yep.
-Make your own party.
-Get a static (more on this later).
-MAGES ONLY: Seek anywhere for five minutes. BRDs, WHMs, BLMs, RDMs. That's all you have to do. Don't worry.
Option 1: Just sit there. Say whatever good qualities you have.
Option 2: Just sit there and pray. Say whatever good qualities you have.
Option 3: By 36, you should start doing this. By 50, if you aren't, you're a twit. Put a nice comment up and ask where to go.
Option 4: Good luck with this. Do a /sea all inv of one level below-one level above your level. Hope that over the span of thirty minutes you can find a healer, support, two-three damage dealers, and a tank.
Option 5: This is hard. You need to find a good party set up and five people willing to meet on set days at the same time. Once you get one, pray that no one leaves and screws you over.
Option 6: Be a mage. Everyone loves you.
Ok, so now you know how to get parties, but how do you get parties faster? Well, you have to be a better player.
II. How To Be a Good Player.
Being a good player is very hard, as you all know. First, study your job. Learn your role, what to do in certain situations, where to go for this and that, skillchains, all that great stuff. This is about five percent of being a great player. The other ninety-five percent of being a great player is equipment. If you have great equipment, you're a great player. You can be a ******* moron, but if you have millions of gil in gear, you'll wipe the floor. Equipment makes the player.
A. How Do I Get Millions of Gil?
This is pretty complex, but you have a few options.
-Farm. Farm. Farm. Farm. Farm. Farm. Farm.
-Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fish.
-Hidden option to be revealed later.
Option 1: Farming sucks. It blows. It bites. You'll probably start REALLY needing gil around level 40 to 50. Unfortunately at this level, there's not much you can farm. Middle to Upper Delfkutt's are hard, Sauromagne is hard, and there's not many other great places. This leaves Batallia and Pashhow. So you farm for months...and months...and months...and you'll make a lot of money if you spend six hours a day beating stuff up every day. You'll need a level 45 THF to farm well, so get to work on that today, since TH1 is utterly worthless. Believe me. I subbed THF and farmed Crawlers for four hours, then subbed WAR and farmed for four hours. I got two more Silks with a THF sub, but it also took longer to kill, since I missed out on a lot of cool WAR abilities and traits.
Option 2: Fishing sucks. It blows. It bites more than farming. Fishing involves hitting a button and hoping something good happens. Will you get the catch? Will you get a skillup? Will the rod break? You don't know! It's all random! Just hope for the best and hit /fish. You'll have to fish for hours a day for months to hit the jackpot points.
Option 3: Be a cheating loser. Buy gil for an insane price from gil sites like IGE, or use a fish bot. Unfortunately, this is actually the best way to make money, if you have no soul. Set up a fish bot in Rabao with everyone else, fish up Rusty Caps and synth to padded, NPC them. I've known people that have made over 20 mil with a month of fish botting over night. Twenty million gil for doing NOTHING. It's horrible, and unfair to those of us who play legimitately.
Hidden option!!!: Be a lucky prick. This is the single best way to make millions without cheating, I can't emphasize it enough. Being a lucky prick makes you a great FFXI player. Notorious Monsters drop 20,000-600,000 gil items! Just sit there spamming a macro, kill the thing, and get the drop every time because you're lucky! Ha! Then take all the money you make from that, and do gardening! Follow a recipe off the Internet and strike gold with elemental ores! Undercut the price because you have SO MANY! SELL SELL SELL!!! You'll be rich in no time by being a lucky prick. It's that easy! If you're not lucky, you're screwed. Sorry, I hope you like farming, fishing, or cheating.
B. Okay, I Have Millions of Gil. Can I Spend It?
Oh God no. The fun has just begun. Now that you have millions of gil, you have to invest in a craft. Bonecraft, Smithing, and Goldsmithing are the ways to go. Take your 20 million and craft these to 60 each, and the one of your choice to 100. It'll take an incredibly long time and it's disgustingly boring, but once you have level 100 Smithing, just craft a Haubergon+1 and sell it for 9 million gil whenever you feel like it. Never give any of this money away though. You'll need it for something; ***** everyone else.
C. What If I Don't Have Millions of Gil?
Well then, you lose the game. You can't have fun if you have gimpy gear, since no one will invite you. You'll never get to see the high levels, and even if you do, no one will want you since level 75 JP players have far better gear than you ever will. You have to be rich to enjoy the game.
i. What About BCNMs and Stuff? Can't I Do Those for Gil? -- Fixed!
Certain jobs aren't allowed in BCNM40 (Giddeus only, no one ever does the others). These are:
-Thief. You need lots of damage here. THFs are hate control and skillchainers. They don't work a lot in BCNM40.
-NIN. WARs and PLDs tank better than you on Mandies that hit twice in one turn. You CAN tank, but you'll be picked after these people. Bye.
-Dragoon. No one likes Dragoons. Period.
-Samurai: If you're a very good SAM, then you may get in, but for the most part, there are better DDs.
-Monk: MNKs can tank BCNM40 while doing lots of damage. Most people don't know this, but they can, and they can well. Just so you know now, but at the moment, MNKs are not a strong BCNM40 job.
-Summoner: Maybe if you have Fenrir, but other than that, forget it.
BLMs, RDMs, WHMs, BRDs, PLDs, WARs, DRKs, RNGs, and BSTs are the ones allowed to do BCNM40 and make tons of money doing something fun. You six can go farm.
ii. Wait, Why DRKs? Aren't They Lame Damage Dealers Like MNK, DRG, and SAM?
Well yes, they are just lame damage dealers, but they're lame damage dealers with Stun and Weapon Bash. They can stun WITHOUT TP; no other melee class can do that.
KEY POINT #1: The secret to enjoying the game is to be RICH.
KEY POINT #2: The secret to being RICH is to be a lucky prick.
III. Okay, I Have All the Gear I Need, Now What?
It's just a matter of time. With your Cross-Counters, Emperor Hairpin, Peacock Charm, dual Spike Earrings, Scorpion Harness+1, Ochiudo's Kote, dual Sniper's Rings+1, a Nomad's Mantle+1, Brown Belt, Master's Sitabaki+1, and Kung-Fu Shoes, you don't have to do anything but eat a Meat Chiefkabob and watch as you own everythng in sight. The game is yours to hit level 75 and get to work on AF2 and Rune weapons, since you're the cream of the crop baby.
IV. Agror, Why Are You a Bitter ****?
Here's why: I can guarantee I know more about playing my job than 90% of the Monks on Seraph my level. In fact, a level 75 WHM from the HNM LS BeyondTheLimation recently complemented me on the knowledge of this game. I can guarantee I work harder than most of them for my gil. I can guarantee I know more ways to make gil that I just can't do becuase I'm not a high enough level, or because I'm NOT a lucky NM camping prick (0/9 on Mee Deggi, anyone?) It pisses me off that I know exactly what I need to do for my party and to maximize my damage at all times, but people still outdamage me because they have better gear that they got because they killed Hoo Mjuu six times and got six signas, or Mee Deggi gave them the Kote so they didn't have to buy it. I work my *** off every day, and people still tell me I need to do more. I know exactly what gear I need, why I need it, and when to use it, but I can't get it because I've killed NMs 150 times, but God forbid I get a drop. The RNGs of my static can't get a drop either, but they work every day farming to buy arrows and new gear. They'll never see a Eurytos' until level 75.
KEY POINT #3: To pleasure a woman using only your tongue, keep it in your mouth and just listen to them talk. They enjoy that.
Edited, Fri Jul 16 06:38:28 2004 by Agrorthal
Edited, Fri Jul 16 19:19:50 2004 by Agrorthal
Edited, Wed Aug 25 01:32:32 2004 by Agrorthal