Well, I don't expect many replies...
ok maybe I do.
And I don't expect much sympathy...
ok I really want that too...
This is just something that has been dwelling in my mind since this afternoon, and I feel I should get it out in the open before I do anything stupid. This is also a question to anyone who will bother to read this...of whom I'm truly thankful to. This is a question of party leadership and what you would do in a situation. My story starts in the mid-afternoon:
I was really, really hyped up and ready to go. Being a WHM, I had just reached level 50 and finished my Genkai with the help of a High level Paladin, White Mage and Red Mage, all of whom were really nice. I farmed my butt off the past few weeks, so I can afford my Dark Staff, Light Staff and a Curaga III...so thats a good 300k from my purse. Needless to say I was a little upset by the sudden loss of gil, but I believe it was a good investment for today. I wanted to get from 50 - 51 today and use all 3 of these nice items ^^
As soon as I placed my flag up, I was promptly invited (Prompt being about 15 minutes for me) So i'm pretty darn excited. The leader wanted to level in the Crawler's Nest, so I was like..."CN?". He said we could get some exp chaining beetles there, so I figure, why not. So the group gathers up at CN, and we walk through it, RDM and WHM are sneaking and invising. Same old routine.
We arrived at camp, and before I could put my reraise up, a beetle is pulled. I'm like, ok cool, I'll do it soon after. Then a Rumble Crawlers aggroes and links. I'm healing everyone up as fast as I can, as they all seem to be taking alot of damage. Crawler comes up to me. 3 hits later...
Rialia is defeated by Rumbler Crawler
*Level Down*
Two members quickly disband after finishing up the beasts and warp straight out: One of whom was killed too, so I don't blame him. The other three stayed and called for a raise, nice of them.
So I tell myself, "Ok, so I'm down 770 exp...no biggie...I can gain it back real fast and still reach my goal today". We fight an exory, kill it for 50 exp and I level up to 50 again. We gather a party up for Kuftov Tunnel, expecting perhaps better luck there. We find a good PLD tank and another RDM there for replacement, so I Altepa, Rabao then Choco to the Tunnels.
We arrive at Kuftov Tunnels where we find a nice camp inside. Its my first time here, so I'm trying to be as cautious as I can. We pull a nice crabby, all is going well...until an Air Elemental manages to sniff out the last cure I got in on the Tank. 1..2...3...
Rialia is defeated by Air Elemental.
*level down*
So I tell myself, "Ok, so I'm down another 770 exp...no biggie...I can still gain it back real fast and still reach my goal today". So I'm raised. The PLD, suggests that perhaps we were still too low for this place. So the party agrees and we are one by one Warp II'ed back to Jeuno.
So now, we try Garliage Citadel. I always have horrid memories of this place...(Two Words: Jet Stream - "Stupid WHM, can't heal fast, lolerz! ; ;) But we take the party there anyways. We arrive, and we begin pulling beetles here. They weren't too bad. 100-150 mostly...its not great, but its decent enough for me to stay. And so we're actually doing pretty nice, chaining for good exp. However, the PLD and BLM tell us they have to leave, so they both leave at the same time, the BLM giving us a replacement to wait for. The PLD transfers leader to me.
; ;
Let me just say first off, I dislike being the leader of a party. Searching and negotiating for someone to party isn't my forte. But for some reason, I decided today, I was gonna do it. And now I kind of regret it. I spend the next half hour trying to find a good tank. The party asks for PLD or NIN no less. And unfortunatley, no one was seeking. I began sensing a bit of frustration, either from myself and/or the party, so I promtly ask them to help me search for one.
I'm not one to name names, as you can tell. I don't feel its right to do that and tarnish one's reputation or lead to negative feelings. So I find a NIN/WAR after a good half hour. I send a tell, "Party? Garliage Citadel" She says no after, I say ok. Doesn't want to party here, ok. Cool. In my deperation, I look for tanks that are not currently seeking but not in a party. I ask around, to no avail.
My party then asks me, maybe the NIN/WAR I asked earlier would like to party somewhere else. So I ask. A few minutes later, she finally responds. "I dunno" She just doesn't want to party in Garliage Citadel. So I suggest to my party maybe we should try Kustov Tunnel again. So they said, "Anywhere so long as they get exp".
So I tell the NIN/WAR "Kuftal Tunnel". We wait. And wait for a response. Its been a good 5 minutes or so since I asked, and everyone is getting desparate. And then one of my party members tells me that they found a PLD who was willing to party with us and is on his way. I say great! Just when I'm about to send a tell to the NIN/WAR telling them nevermind, she finally responds with an Ok.
So I tell her, I'm Sorry, we found a tank already.
So she calls me a moron, welcomes to me to her black list and proceeds to curse at me a bit, telling me that as a party leader, I should be responsible for this, and that either we invite her or never expect me to party with her ever. She didn't accept my apologies and called it "BS"
*sigh*
Being a frequent forum poster, I recognized her name. I don't remember where or in what context, but if I remember them, it usually means they were a respectable player that posted on these forums.
My thoughts at the time were that if I were to tell the other guy to stop and that we found another tank, it would be just as unfair as it was for the NIN/WAR. But thats just my thoughts.
Anyway, maybe this whole thing WAS my fault and that I should have been more responsible as a leader of a party. I wasn't expecting such a response, nor was I ever expecting such a day to start off so...bad I guess.
Basic Summary of why I'm discouraged: 2 Deaths and a Blacklist...
So now I feel terrible. I just want to know from people, how you would handle the situation and what you would do. I feel too down for this kind of thing, and I want to know what I should have done as a leader, should I ever choose to be one again.
My party continued to do well over the next few hours, and we pulled in semi-decent experience. All the party members were great though, and I believe they did a fantastic job. I'm the kind of person who like to send a tell to someone in the party telling them that I appreciate what they're doing. I didn;t get to 51 though...and I still feel bad and noobish.
I appreciate anyones thoughts. If that person sees this post, again I say I'm truly sorry, and I don't intend for anything like that to happen again. I only wish to play for fun and to improve my character in the best way possible, as I believe that to be everyones goal. If you could give me your views on the situation, I would appreciate that too. I hope you understand that I didn't intend to insult you or waste your time like that.
Now thats out of the way, I feel a little better now...If you managed to read this. Thank you for doing so ^^
*hug-hug*
Edited, Sun Jan 9 00:37:49 2005 by misatochan