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How to speak n00b - a guideFollow

#1 Mar 17 2005 at 4:48 PM Rating: Excellent
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700 posts
Hello, fellow adventurers. During your many travels through our beautiful land of Vana'diel, you may come across a very special and unique creature: the n00b.

The n00b is a remarkable creature as it disguises itself as a regular citizen of Vana'diel. This is the n00b's primary form of attack as it will allow the wily n00b to get quite close to you before inflicting damage. Luckily, their disguises are usually poor and can be identified as their armor may be several levels out of date. Also, the n00b disguise is based on a sad misunderstanding our common culture as their equipment may not reflect the job they are trying to portray.

Be careful not to confuse a n00b with a similar species known as the newb. Newbs can be distinguished from n00bs by their use of proper grammar and good manners.

A n00b can be identified by it's distinct call. This call can be heard from quite a distance as most n00bs seem to only communicate through /shout. If you listen carefully, you may be fortunate enough to spot a n00b.

Here are some examples of common n00b calls:

"PLZ can i hav sum gilz!!!"
"Sum1 buy my sword!!!"
"Ne girlz wanna ciber?!!"

Now, once you have identified a n00b, I must recommend that you stay as far away as possible. Unless you have a great deal of experience with n00bs, any interaction may be harmful to both your physical and mental well being.

If, however, you choose to interact with a n00b, this simple translation guide may help you. Here is a look at a simple conversation with a n00b including a n00b to english translation.

You>> Hello there. How are you?

N00b>> wow u r rich. Can I have gilz? (english: I notice that you have nice gear and wonder if you might be able to aid me in acquiring my own gear)

You>> No, no, good sir. I worked for my gil. You may not have it.

N00b>> but you gotz lotz!!! (english: I understand your feelings on the matter, but find it difficult to actually acquire my own gil)

You>> I know, but I cannot just give you money.

N00b>> N00B!!! (english: apparently I am confused and think you may be a member of my species. Do you know Fred?)

You>> I apologize for the misunderstanding. I am not a n00b.

N00b>> STFU!!! (english: I am of a differing opinion and feel that it might be best if we agree to disagree)

As you can see from the above conversation, interspecies communication with a n00b can prove highly difficult.

In all interactions with a n00b, please take care to leave the n00b as you found it. Their social structure is quite fragile and any assistance you may provide may raise them to a new and dangerous level: the ferocious asshat.

Thank you for your time. Remember: have your n00bs spayed or neutered.

Edited, Thu Mar 17 17:24:51 2005 by Taodyn
#2 Mar 17 2005 at 4:52 PM Rating: Excellent
ROFL

Rate up for j00.
#3 Mar 17 2005 at 4:52 PM Rating: Decent
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2,817 posts
OMFG stfu n00b!!! lololololololz0rz!!!!











Funny stuff, rate up. ^^
#4 Mar 17 2005 at 4:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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407 posts
Quote:
Remember: have your n00bs spayed or neutered.


That is hysterical. Rate up from me just for that.
#5 Mar 17 2005 at 5:16 PM Rating: Excellent
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700 posts
I'm the Bob Barker of n00bs. ^^
#6 Mar 17 2005 at 5:17 PM Rating: Excellent
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1,270 posts
lol

Quote:
Be careful not to confuse a n00b with a similar species known as the newb. Newbs can be distinguished from n00bs by their use of proper grammar and good manners


I'm glad you included this, we were all Newbie's once, we were not all n00bs once. ^ ^ Since they are a "very special and unique creature" ><;;
#7 Mar 17 2005 at 5:19 PM Rating: Default
nvm...Lol thats cute :oP

Edited, Thu Mar 17 17:23:01 2005 by rhianaowns
#8 Mar 17 2005 at 5:23 PM Rating: Good
LMAO ^^

very, very true lmao
#9 Mar 17 2005 at 5:23 PM Rating: Good
Quote:
N00b>> N00B!!! (english: apparently I am confused am think you may be a member of my species. Do you know Fred?)

XD ROFLMAO
#10 Mar 17 2005 at 5:26 PM Rating: Good
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352 posts
lmao oh man that is awesome.

sucks though cause i still consider myself a bit of a newb...but never a n00b. please feel free to shoot me while i sleep should this happen.
#11 Mar 17 2005 at 5:46 PM Rating: Excellent
Quote:
A n00b can be identified by it's distinct call. This call can be heard from quite a distance as most n00bs seem to only communicate through /shout. If you listen carefully, you may be fortunate enough to spot a n00b.

Here are some examples of common n00b calls:

"PLZ can i hav sum gilz!!!"
"Sum1 buy my sword!!!"
"Ne girlz wanna ciber?!!"

I find the /shout comment really funny! ^^
Also I loved the last "n00b call".
Quote:
Be careful not to confuse a n00b with a similar species known as the newb. Newbs can be distinguished from n00bs by their use of proper grammar and good manners.

I also appreciate this comment.
As GryphonStalker Scholar stated we all start out as newbs, there are just others out there who are more amusing yet also, somehow at the same time, infuriating! We call these "special" players "n00bs"! ><;;

Oh, and Rate Up for the translation guide. I'm sure it will come to much use! :p
#12 Mar 17 2005 at 6:01 PM Rating: Good
During quiet thinking time (anytime im not at my PC) I often think of funny things I would like to do to them.
Then an actual doable idea came to me
All those n00bs in far of areas (garliege yhoater jungle to name a few)
Wouldnt it be lovely to invite one into your party only to cast warp 2 on him/her and restore quiet to the area again (if only for a short while)
Although bare in mind I have neither the patience or the gil to level black mage or the heart to do it to them if I did have the spell.
Although it would be damn tempting.
#13 Mar 17 2005 at 8:33 PM Rating: Excellent
I think a whole bunch of 40+ BLMs should try this.

/sh WAR 15/ DRG 2 lfp plz inveit
/sh WAR 15/ DRG 2 lfp plz inveit
/sh WAR 15/ DRG 2 lfp plz inveit
/sh WAR 15/ DRG 2 lfp plz inveit
/sh WAR 15/ DRG 2 lfp plz inveit

(/anon)
(send invitation)
(Insert Warp II here)
#14 Mar 17 2005 at 10:36 PM Rating: Good
naa try this one

/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!/sh Teleport-dunnes can i have it? pls invite me !!!
#15 Mar 18 2005 at 1:49 AM Rating: Excellent
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1,392 posts
Gotta love 'em. However, FFXI is heaven compared to games like Diablo II and Warcraft III. I think those might be a couple of their home planets! As a matter of fact, I learned their language while playing those games.
#16 Mar 18 2005 at 2:12 AM Rating: Excellent
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103 posts
You're exactly right, Gomek.

I'm currently taking a class, Anthropology 517, which is called Development of the Modern N00b. As it turns out, the n00b as we know it today is a result of a mutated strand of newb DNA, which first appeared on battle.net. While various individual aberrant cases of mutated newb are known to have popped up occasionally before the Starcraft Epidemic of 1998, the results of that plague were drastic, as n00bs have now been reported worldwide, especially in the United States, Korea, Japan, and parts of Western Europe.

So, while today n00bs have spread as far as ffxi, they are still most comfortable, not to mention prevalent, in their home: bnet.

No matter how bad ffxi gets, folks, look on the bright side: at least it's not bnet.
#17 Mar 18 2005 at 3:12 AM Rating: Excellent
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275 posts
One point I always make to friends and LS mates when they have run-ins with a n00b.

Have you ever noticed that only a n00b will call someone a n00b to their face? You might joke about someone being a n00b with people, but unless you're a prick you generally don't bother calling a n00b a n00b. You just walk away.








Or log to your mule and F with their head. {/blush}
#18 Mar 18 2005 at 4:25 AM Rating: Excellent
N00b>> N00B!!! (english: apparently I am confused and think you may be a member of my species. Do you know Fred?)  
 
You>> I apologize for the misunderstanding. I am not a n00b.  
 
N00b>> STFU!!!


Lol. Now I would add here:

N00b>> STFU!!! I r0x0r u sux I so 1337!!111!! BRBOMGWTFTELELOL

You: (Just ignore him).

<N00b name here> examines you.
<N00b name here> examines you.
<N00b name here> examines you.
<N00b name here> examines you.
<N00b name here> examines you.
<N00b name here> invites you to his party. (completely ignoring the level 40 gap)

You: Decline

N00b (After 2 mins)>> raise me u @%&$#$!!!11!1!






Edited, Tue Mar 22 01:41:12 2005 by Gipal
#19 Mar 18 2005 at 5:03 AM Rating: Good
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135 posts
Quote:
N00b>> N00B!!! (english: apparently I am confused and think you may be a member of my species. Do you know Fred?)


Oh my god that made my laugh so hard, I've had tears in my eyes... so... good XD

By the way, did anyone else notice that the n00b species seems to have common knowledge and / or be especially proud of their skills in either Diablo 2, Ragnarok Online or Counter-Strike (or all three of 'em)?
#20 Mar 18 2005 at 6:48 AM Rating: Decent
nice guide Ill use this for the dunes around lv 10-15 becuse last time I went there a no0b was very strangly trying to solo gobs at lv 13 a gob leacher lol
#21 Mar 18 2005 at 6:54 AM Rating: Excellent
Quote:
N00b>> N00B!!! (english: apparently I am confused and think you may be a member of my species. Do you know Fred?)


Smiley: lol
#22 Mar 18 2005 at 8:05 AM Rating: Good
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81 posts
lmao.. great thread, and oh so true !
#23 Mar 18 2005 at 8:49 AM Rating: Excellent
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700 posts
As an addendum to this guide, I would like to point out that another problem may arise when communicating with n00bs.

Because the n00b disguise is fairly similar to what an actual person might wear, it is common that n00bs may suffer from an identity crisis. Indeed, the majority of n00bs may believe they are not n00bs. Fooled by their own disguise, they assume that since they resemble an good player, they must be a good player.

We are currently conducting a study on whether this is based on naturally low intelligence or the result of several blows to the head as a child. Results are pending.

Here is an example of a common interaction with a n00b undergoing an identity crisis. Please note that our researcher is careful not to identify the creature as a n00b for fear it might grow defensive and assume an attack posture.

You>> I do not mean to bother you, but are you aware that you have an underleveled sub?

N00b>> STFU i r teh 1337. (english: You must be mistaken, good sir or madam. I believe myself to be a quite a good player. On an unrelated matter, I also apparently enjoy math)

It is at this point our researcher realizes that this n00b is going through an identity crisis. Let's watch what happens.

You>> I simply mean that a 15 warrior with a level 2 white mage sub may not be as effective.

N00b>> OMG u sux0rz. (english: I am not pleased with your last remark)

You>> I'm sorry. I was just trying to help.

N00b>> ???? u in ur ????ing ??? you ????ing ???? (english: apology accepted and I hope you have a good day)

It is at this point that the n00b will usually become frightened and run away. Commonly, this will be accompanied by threats of retribution from a non-existant level 75 "friend".
#24 Mar 18 2005 at 8:51 AM Rating: Excellent
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435 posts
Quote:
N00b>> N00B!!! (english: apparently I am confused and think you may be a member of my species. Do you know Fred?)


My sides hurt so much after that line. Rate up!!!
#25 Mar 18 2005 at 9:23 AM Rating: Excellent
TRoach wrote:
You're exactly right, Gomek.

I'm currently taking a class, Anthropology 517, which is called Development of the Modern N00b. As it turns out, the n00b as we know it today is a result of a mutated strand of newb DNA, which first appeared on battle.net. While various individual aberrant cases of mutated newb are known to have popped up occasionally before the Starcraft Epidemic of 1998, the results of that plague were drastic, as n00bs have now been reported worldwide, especially in the United States, Korea, Japan, and parts of Western Europe.

So, while today n00bs have spread as far as ffxi, they are still most comfortable, not to mention prevalent, in their home: bnet.

No matter how bad ffxi gets, folks, look on the bright side: at least it's not bnet.


Actually, I believe n00bs can be traced as far back to the early AOL chat rooms...
#26 Mar 18 2005 at 10:26 AM Rating: Excellent
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277 posts
ROFL that was funny how you were so professional in it, lol.

Edited, Fri Mar 18 10:26:50 2005 by Ranlif
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