A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. "
"You must be an engineer", says the balloonist.
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
- Forums
- Final Fantasy XI
- General Discussion
- A funny joke... somewhat related to current issues.
A funny joke... somewhat related to current issues.Follow
Can't sleep, clown will eat me.
Heh, that is pretty funny.
FFXI ~ Ifrit: Rollon (Retired)
90MNK|76BRD|76BST|75WAR|75DRG|63BLM|63PUP|44RNG|41NIN||36WHM|34SAM|23RDM|19PLD
Rank: 10
FFXIV ~ Cactaur: Rollon Rylan
http://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/character/2311793/
90MNK|76BRD|76BST|75WAR|75DRG|63BLM|63PUP|44RNG|41NIN||36WHM|34SAM|23RDM|19PLD
Rank: 10
FFXIV ~ Cactaur: Rollon Rylan
http://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/character/2311793/
Quote:
"You must be an engineer", says the balloonist.
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
Truer words have never been spoken.
lol - thanks for the laugh (needed it) Rate up
Source: Engineering Forum I use for research at work.
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
Can't sleep, clown will eat me.
I apologize in advance if this just makes people madder, but I found it amusing:
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 (Bambino) when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.
The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".
The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".
The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again".
The mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!".
The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".
The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again".
Can't sleep, clown will eat me.
Pikko Pots wrote:
I apologize in advance if this just makes people madder, but I found it amusing:
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
True story
A calls into Comcast because his cable is not working. Says to the rep that he is an engineer and he has checked every connection and the problem must be on our end. So the rep began to troubleshoot the problem.
Rep: "When you turn on your TV, what do you see?"
Customer: "A black screen."
Rep: "Can you press the cable and then the power button on your remote."
Customer: "I did and nothing happened."
Rep: "Ok. Please check and make sure the plug is in the wall."
Customer: "I already did that."
Rep: "Well, can you try to plug something else into the wall? Like a lamp."
Customer: "That's not working either"
Rep: "The problem isn't with your cable if the lamp doesn't work either."
Customer: "Well, the lamp isn't working because there is a power outage."
A calls into Comcast because his cable is not working. Says to the rep that he is an engineer and he has checked every connection and the problem must be on our end. So the rep began to troubleshoot the problem.
Rep: "When you turn on your TV, what do you see?"
Customer: "A black screen."
Rep: "Can you press the cable and then the power button on your remote."
Customer: "I did and nothing happened."
Rep: "Ok. Please check and make sure the plug is in the wall."
Customer: "I already did that."
Rep: "Well, can you try to plug something else into the wall? Like a lamp."
Customer: "That's not working either"
Rep: "The problem isn't with your cable if the lamp doesn't work either."
Customer: "Well, the lamp isn't working because there is a power outage."
lets see if I can remember this one.
A science major ask why does it work.
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
A science major ask why does it work.
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
Quote:
lets see if I can remember this one.
A science major ask why does it work.
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
A science major ask why does it work.
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
that's a smart joke to post on a GAMING FORUM. Lol.
Bartel Hayward--- Ultros Server
The Kraken Club <ZAM>
50 WAR • 50 MNK • 50 MIN • 50 GSM • 50 ARM • 50 LTW • 50 CUL • 50 WVR
thekrakenclub.shivtr.com
The Kraken Club <ZAM>
50 WAR • 50 MNK • 50 MIN • 50 GSM • 50 ARM • 50 LTW • 50 CUL • 50 WVR
thekrakenclub.shivtr.com
Since most here are techy and this is an econ joke, I certainly don't claim this to win the thread by any means. If you've taken any economics beyond the intro classes, this might be funny--otherwise this joke totally sucks.
A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island, with nothing to eat. A can of soup washes ashore. The physicist says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock." The chemist says, "Let's build a fire and heat the can first." The economist says, "Let's assume that we have a can-opener..."
A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island, with nothing to eat. A can of soup washes ashore. The physicist says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock." The chemist says, "Let's build a fire and heat the can first." The economist says, "Let's assume that we have a can-opener..."
Quote:
Customer: "Well, the lamp isn't working because there is a power outage."
This is why stupidity should be lethal. (alot more than it already is, and self-lethal, not that accidentally killing someone else crap)
≠use it.
3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.
So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.
Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "
Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."
Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"
-----------------------------------------
The pessimist says, "My glass is half empty."
The optimist says, "My glass is half full."
The engineer says, "What moron made this glass? It has twice the mass required to hold the fluid!"
The mathematition says "the glass contains 49.99 % of its maximum capacity."
The drunk says, "Are you gonna drink that?"
The psychiatrist says "the glass is your really mother."
The biker at the end of the bar also says the glass is your mother.
Special Alla version:
Group A: The glass is half empty. I think its time we had a refill.
Group B: Quit whining, the glass is so obviously half full. You'r glass must have a leak in it, my glass isn't having a problem with emptying to fast.
Group A: All I said was it's half empty, I didn't say anything about it draining to fast.
Group B: Well you said it was half empty, you started off all negative, implying you think your glass should still be full. people like you are just never happy, you prolly expect the bartender to jam the whole damn keg into your glass, or stand over you pouring it all night.
Group C: has it occured to you 2 that there may not be a "right" or "wrong" answer here, and your both arguing over nothing? The bartender is busy, give him sec to get over here jeez.
Group B rates down group A. Groub A rates down Group B. Everyone and their mother nukes the **** out of Group C, and insists that Group C was actually part of A or B. The next day they all found a new problem to ***** at each other over, and it went the same way.
They all failed at the internet together, and lived crappily ever after. The end.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
-----------------------------------------
A man in a Southern California supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some Dumbass wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada , sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
"No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.
Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "
Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."
Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"
-----------------------------------------
The pessimist says, "My glass is half empty."
The optimist says, "My glass is half full."
The engineer says, "What moron made this glass? It has twice the mass required to hold the fluid!"
The mathematition says "the glass contains 49.99 % of its maximum capacity."
The drunk says, "Are you gonna drink that?"
The psychiatrist says "the glass is your really mother."
The biker at the end of the bar also says the glass is your mother.
Special Alla version:
Group A: The glass is half empty. I think its time we had a refill.
Group B: Quit whining, the glass is so obviously half full. You'r glass must have a leak in it, my glass isn't having a problem with emptying to fast.
Group A: All I said was it's half empty, I didn't say anything about it draining to fast.
Group B: Well you said it was half empty, you started off all negative, implying you think your glass should still be full. people like you are just never happy, you prolly expect the bartender to jam the whole damn keg into your glass, or stand over you pouring it all night.
Group C: has it occured to you 2 that there may not be a "right" or "wrong" answer here, and your both arguing over nothing? The bartender is busy, give him sec to get over here jeez.
Group B rates down group A. Groub A rates down Group B. Everyone and their mother nukes the **** out of Group C, and insists that Group C was actually part of A or B. The next day they all found a new problem to ***** at each other over, and it went the same way.
They all failed at the internet together, and lived crappily ever after. The end.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
-----------------------------------------
A man in a Southern California supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some Dumbass wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada , sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
"No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
Quote:
lets see if I can remember this one.
A science major ask why does it work.
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
A science major ask why does it work.
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
Don't remind me of the cardboard box I'm living in. XD
Quote:
One of SE's dev team was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
fixed it for ya
(oh come on it's a joke, crack a smile)
5 posts
not related but funny none the less...
I found some grafitti on the wall and it read-
"I wish my clothes were EMO so they'd hang themselves"
hehehehe.
I found some grafitti on the wall and it read-
"I wish my clothes were EMO so they'd hang themselves"
hehehehe.
Sorry, I know this joke has nothing to do with the OP, but I thought it to be funny anyway. Hope to share some amusement with others ^^
Subject: Fw: A boys first time
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night & have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for the first time.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time & the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
* * * * * * * * *
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.
* * * * * * * * *
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house & meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
* * * * * * * * *
The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head.
* * * * * * * * *
A minute passes, & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
* * * * * * * * *
10 minutes pass, & still no movement from the boy.
* * * * * * * * *
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over & whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
* * * * * * * *
The boy turns, & whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
* * * * * * * * *
Subject: Fw: A boys first time
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night & have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for the first time.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time & the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
* * * * * * * * *
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.
* * * * * * * * *
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house & meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
* * * * * * * * *
The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head.
* * * * * * * * *
A minute passes, & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
* * * * * * * * *
10 minutes pass, & still no movement from the boy.
* * * * * * * * *
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over & whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
* * * * * * * *
The boy turns, & whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
* * * * * * * * *
i was given a book by a friend some time ago called 'the book of crap advice' which basically has all of the things people say that its complete and utter ******** but they still believe, theres a section on things people working in IT are told or witness while they are working, these are a few of the best ones:
and now, some advce from the IT department, which you really ought to pay attention to...
1.when you call us to have yuor computer moved, leave it under a pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, darts trophies and children's art. we don't have lives, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glance of yours.
2. when IT support sends you an e-mail marked 'high importance', dlete it at once, we're just testing.
3. when an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out, we exist only to serve.
4. send urgent e-mail all in UPPERCASE, the mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
5. when the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support, there's electronics in it.
6.when something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem, we love a puzzle.
7. when the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times, print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
8. don't learn the technical name for anything, we know exactly what you mean by 'my thingy blew up'
9. when you get a message saying 'are you sure?' click on that 'yes' button as fast as you can. hell, if you weren't sure you wouldnt be doing it, would you?
10. feel free to say things like, 'I don't know nothing about that computer crap'. we don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
enjoy ^^
and now, some advce from the IT department, which you really ought to pay attention to...
1.when you call us to have yuor computer moved, leave it under a pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, darts trophies and children's art. we don't have lives, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glance of yours.
2. when IT support sends you an e-mail marked 'high importance', dlete it at once, we're just testing.
3. when an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts out, we exist only to serve.
4. send urgent e-mail all in UPPERCASE, the mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
5. when the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support, there's electronics in it.
6.when something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem, we love a puzzle.
7. when the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times, print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
8. don't learn the technical name for anything, we know exactly what you mean by 'my thingy blew up'
9. when you get a message saying 'are you sure?' click on that 'yes' button as fast as you can. hell, if you weren't sure you wouldnt be doing it, would you?
10. feel free to say things like, 'I don't know nothing about that computer crap'. we don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
enjoy ^^
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
The first muffin turns to the other and says, "man, it sure is hot in here."
The second looks at the first and says, "HOLY SH*T A TALKING MUFFIN!"
The first muffin turns to the other and says, "man, it sure is hot in here."
The second looks at the first and says, "HOLY SH*T A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Quote:
science major ask why does it work.
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
And engineer major asks how does it work.
a Art major asks "would you like fries with that"
ouch. Good thing i dont have a job yet. And when i do o so dont plan on working in a fast food/any food place.
:P
muffin joke = i luaghed real hard lol
I know this is old.... but...
An Engineer starts out knowing a very little about a whole lot, and ends up knowing less and less about more and more, till he knows practicaly nothing about everything.
An Architect starts out know a whole lot about a very little, and ends up knowing more and more about less and less, till he knows practicaly everything about nothing.
A Surveyor starts out know everything about everything, but ends up knowing nothing about anything because of his association with Architects and Engineers.
Sorry had to.
An Engineer starts out knowing a very little about a whole lot, and ends up knowing less and less about more and more, till he knows practicaly nothing about everything.
An Architect starts out know a whole lot about a very little, and ends up knowing more and more about less and less, till he knows practicaly everything about nothing.
A Surveyor starts out know everything about everything, but ends up knowing nothing about anything because of his association with Architects and Engineers.
Sorry had to.
Recent Visitors: 754
All times are in CST
Anonymous Guests (754)
- Forums
- Final Fantasy XI
- General Discussion
- A funny joke... somewhat related to current issues.
© 2024 Fanbyte LLC