(single) life update - by request of anguaFollow

yup, still on the meds. i wouldnt say they make me "happier", just more "energetic" and more likely to think about suicide while out roller skating, as opposed to crying in my bed. i dont know if thats an improvement, but i atleast "look" happy now.

im now seeing the rapist, errr a therapist. she blows, alot. i've only had one visit but i was less than pleased with it. all she wanted to do was talk about my drinking "problem". i have another appointment monday and ill see what happens. all i have to say is i dont think shes worth 125$ an hour (luckily insurance picks up 100 of it).

well, despite my best efforts to remain without a girlfriend (having been led to believe all women are evil harpies!) i succumbed again to their lure. I managed to turn down Keri (previously thought to be spelled cary, for those of you who keep up with my updates) without much trouble but Nina (another one of Tara's friends, mwahahahaha) somehow tricked me into thinking that maybe all girls arent that bad afterall.

"officially" we've been boyfriend/girlfriend since new years day, but i suppose, depending on your interpretation of what makes someone a couple, you could say we've been together about a month. basically towards the end of this semester she said she wanted to talk to me later. so i called her and we basically reached the conclusion that we would see a movie together sometime over winter break. it was the teenage equivalent of saying "lets do lunch".

as sappy as this is going to sound (please dont throw rocks at me) i've never felt this way about any other girl, and i didnt always feel this way about her, so im inclined to believe it isnt pure infatuation. with everyone else it was i hope she puts out. now its more along the lines of wow, i think i "love" her. i hope she puts out.

as for being possesed... i can say with assurance "yes, i am".

EDIT: okay, upon re-reading the therapist paragraph i learned that it can be interpreted in rather suggestive ways. lets just say you probably need to get your mind out of the gutter.

/em glares at totem



Edited, Sun Jan 4 02:14:19 2004 by Angry Hippo

Edited, Sun Jan 4 02:17:38 2004 by Angry Hippo

Lol, nah, it's just when a guy talks about wallpaper my ANLQ-53 Gaydar lights up and goes into Search mode. Fortunately for you it never lit up in Acquisition mode to paint you electronically with a rainbow across your buttocks.

:D

May I suggest that you may be in "like" rather than "love?" That distinction is sometimes lost on teenagers (it certainly was on me) when intense emotional feelings never experienced before are misinterpreted as love. While gradations of love may come at a later time, the actual emotion does not manifest itself at first sight contrary to pulp fiction and glossy grrrrl magazines.

And may I offer one more piece of unsolicited advice? Despite being somewhat forced into having discussions with your therapist by your parents or whoever, this is a golden opportunity for you to truly move past all the things which prior to this stage in life have been dragging you down. What I am saying is, rather than resist opening up to your therapist and turning this into an experience akin to dental work sans Novocaine, you should actually be receptive to talking about all the things which have bothered you in the past-- which will include the drinking. All the topics you discuss are confidential, cannot be shared with your parents without your express approval, and despite the discomfort of sharing intimate details of your life, are designed to make you heal. Put it this way-- it can't make things worse to tell the therapist everything, right? So what do you have to lose? Try it and see what develops.

I know you know I am joking with you when I poke fun of you, but the reality is that even though I have never met you in person, I'd very much like to see you work things out in real life. You might say after all this time, I have an emotional investment in you, as I suspect all of us old timers here do. I mean this most sincerely: good luck.

Totem

One of the reasons I asked for the update, Hippo, was you seem better to me. Your posts lately have been calmer, some how, and enjoyable to read rather than sad.

Suicidal thoughts are strangely addictive. If I was going to quote all the shrinks I've seen I'd say something like it's obsessive behavior, blah blah. Personally I think it could be you're just used to that train of thought. Hopefully they will fade away as time goes by.

At any rate I'm glad you have more energy and have found a girl friend. =) As Totem said, some of us have an emotional investment in you. I may not technically be an "old timer" but I do remember you (many of you, in fact) from my first stint on the board.

"love", as opposed to love, is a completely different thing (apparently you've never heard of "love") and roughly translates into im a stupid teenager and dont know what love is, i do know that i want to bone her, badly. so, yeah, im not under any illusions that i actually would know love when i saw it.

as for my meds... 200 mg of wellbutrin daily. up to a week ago i was taking the slow release version (one 200 mg tablet in the morning) but now my "real" doctor (as opposed to the one at the crazy house) put me on 100 mg in the morning and 100mg at night. something about it effectiveness not being approved for the use in patients under 18 by the FDA or something. given that information i have to wonder about the doctor who prescribed it. as i recall she liked to put pretty much everyone on wellbutrin.



Edited, Sun Jan 4 12:30:37 2004 by Angry Hippo

Bah, in all sincerity I have to echo this quote to ya.

Ok. Let's make this a group hug for AH. Come on all of you gather around while I sneak out the back.

Talk it out. It will help.