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A Convenient MarriageFollow

#1 Mar 21 2012 at 7:46 AM Rating: Decent
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My son is moving off to a major metropolis this summer with his Girlfriend. She'll be attending grad-school at an expensive private university. She's not getting a ton of financial support from the University.

Talking with her newly appointed councilor at the college, and others, she's learned that if she or my son were to get a job with the school they would be eligible for substantially reduced tuition costs - this benefit supposedly extends to the employees spouse.

The gf is convinced that my son will get a job with the college and marry her. Son is not too keen on marriage at this point. He is apping for jobs with there but says even if he does get one he'll not get married before fall term.

The tuition savings, if one of them did work for the institute and they did marry, would be upwards of $25k/year. That's pretty substantial.

Does it justify a convenience marriage?

Edited to be more like jeopardy.








Edited, Mar 21st 2012 4:00pm by Elinda
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#2 Mar 21 2012 at 8:03 AM Rating: Excellent
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#3 Mar 21 2012 at 8:27 AM Rating: Excellent
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Just move to Canada, Northern Europe, Australia or New Zealand already.
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#4 Mar 21 2012 at 8:48 AM Rating: Excellent
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That's a heck of a lot of money.

How long have they been together? Are they happy together? All that kind of stuff? I mean if things are moving that direction anyway, it's certainly an incentive. College debts are a huge problem these days. You go down to the courthouse, sign some paperwork, and they'll knock 25k off the tuition (assuming he gets the job of course...). That's hard to pass up. Even if they don't have a ceremony, or really make it official until they're ready later on you know.

Also if they're knocking off 25k, I'm not sure I want to imagine how much she's paying. Yikes.

Anyway, wow.
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#5 Mar 21 2012 at 9:07 AM Rating: Good
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someproteinguy wrote:
That's a heck of a lot of money.

How long have they been together? Are they happy together? All that kind of stuff? I mean if things are moving that direction anyway, it's certainly an incentive. College debts are a huge problem these days. You go down to the courthouse, sign some paperwork, and they'll knock 25k off the tuition (assuming he gets the job of course...). That's hard to pass up. Even if they don't have a ceremony, or really make it official until they're ready later on you know.

Also if they're knocking off 25k, I'm not sure I want to imagine how much she's paying. Yikes.

Anyway, wow.
The amount is my own estimate, but graduate tuition at a private university is probably upwards of 1k/credit. No? She's getting some financial aid for tuition but not from the college - they're providing other revenue sources though.

Employees pay $500.00 a year for as many credits as they want to take.

They've been together about three years now. They have discussed marriage and seem to be heading in that direction. They've not ever lived together.






Edited, Mar 21st 2012 5:08pm by Elinda
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#6 Mar 21 2012 at 9:11 AM Rating: Excellent
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Elinda wrote:
They've not ever lived together.


Personally, I feel like everyone should live together before marriage, if at all possible. I'd advise them as such, myself. But I'm not about to suggest that it's a concrete rule or anything. No outside opinion could really supersede their own understanding of their relationship. Nor would I begrudge anyone moving things ahead for a financial benefit...who knows, it could be a perfectly fine move.

Edited, Mar 21st 2012 11:12am by Eske
#7 Mar 21 2012 at 9:13 AM Rating: Excellent
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If they are rushing into a marriage that they might not feel ready for in order to get a financial break, I'd heavily suggest a prenup, but maybe that's just me.
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#8 Mar 21 2012 at 9:20 AM Rating: Decent
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Sounds like a terrible reason to rush into marriage.
Convenient? Perhaps.
Wise? No.
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#9 Mar 21 2012 at 9:23 AM Rating: Good
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Elinda wrote:
Employees pay $500.00 a year for as many credits as they want to take.


Wow... is this commonplace? I might have to consider the option if I ever decide to go back to school.
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#10 Mar 21 2012 at 9:34 AM Rating: Excellent
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I don't know if it's really a "convenience marriage". That implies to me that at least one of the two parties don't care about the other emotionally at all and are just in it for some non-romantic benefit. If your son and his filly have been dating for a while, I'm hoping they like each other at least a little.

But if he ain't ready then he ain't ready. And the expectation that he'll get a job there (which I'm assuming isn't his dream) makes me wonder why SHE doesn't get a job there.

Also, call the university and ask if this policy to convince your son to get married before having children.
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#11 Mar 21 2012 at 9:45 AM Rating: Good
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My cousin, active Navy, got married right before re-upping for another tour of duty. The gal he married was an old girlfriend that he dated in high school, and had started dating again after his return to the States after his second deployment. They got married mainly so his girlfriend could take advantage of tuition benefits for spouses of active duty military.

They got divorced less than two years later.

Of course, the divorce may have been due in large part to his particular choice of career, but this is the only anecdote that I could think of relating to a "convenience marriage."
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#12 Mar 21 2012 at 9:58 AM Rating: Good
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My cousin got married right before her husband (naval engineer) shipped out to Japan (so she went with him). I'm almost certain it was a marriage of convenience. They had been dating, but I think they were pretty much close friends for the most part. He gained a companion for his tour overseas, they both benefited from the increased wages, and she got to live in Japan for free. They didn't stay married that long after he left the service, but I think they are still close.

Honestly, that does seem somewhat different than this case, since it strikes me that your son and his gf are closer to marriage than my cousin was (not considering his imminent departure). It was easy for them to be married. Rushing into a marriage when you actually have hopes it will last? Sounds risky to me.
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#13 Mar 21 2012 at 12:01 PM Rating: Good
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#14 Mar 21 2012 at 1:53 PM Rating: Good
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Demea wrote:
My cousin, active Navy, got married right before re-upping for another tour of duty. The gal he married was an old girlfriend that he dated in high school, and had started dating again after his return to the States after his second deployment. They got married mainly so his girlfriend could take advantage of tuition benefits for spouses of active duty military.

They got divorced less than two years later.

Of course, the divorce may have been due in large part to his particular choice of career, but this is the only anecdote that I could think of relating to a "convenience marriage."


This is pretty much what my brother-in-law did. He and his casual girlfriend got married. She became his 3rd wife. He shipped to Japan, she stayed in the US. They were able to get some extra cash during his deployment. They got divorced as soon as he came back so that he could get married to his 4th wife. It was a marriage of convenience definitely for them.

Marriage isn't always about love and romance. Sometimes it's just a business transaction.
#15 Mar 21 2012 at 2:03 PM Rating: Excellent
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Thumbelyna Quick Hands wrote:
Demea wrote:
My cousin, active Navy, got married right before re-upping for another tour of duty. The gal he married was an old girlfriend that he dated in high school, and had started dating again after his return to the States after his second deployment. They got married mainly so his girlfriend could take advantage of tuition benefits for spouses of active duty military.

They got divorced less than two years later.

Of course, the divorce may have been due in large part to his particular choice of career, but this is the only anecdote that I could think of relating to a "convenience marriage."


This is pretty much what my brother-in-law did. He and his casual girlfriend got married. She became his 3rd wife. He shipped to Japan, she stayed in the US. They were able to get some extra cash during his deployment. They got divorced as soon as he came back so that he could get married to his 4th wife. It was a marriage of convenience definitely for them.

Marriage isn't always about love and romance. Sometimes it's just a business transaction.


This is what happens when you let the gays marry.
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#16 Mar 21 2012 at 4:19 PM Rating: Good
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Thumbelyna Quick Hands wrote:
Marriage isn't always about love and romance. Sometimes it's just a business transaction.

Cue another 20 page Gbaji thread...
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#17 Mar 21 2012 at 4:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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Thumbelyna wrote:
This is pretty much what my brother-in-law did. He and his casual girlfriend got married. She became his 3rd wife. He shipped to Japan, she stayed in the US. They were able to get some extra cash during his deployment. They got divorced as soon as he came back so that he could get married to his 4th wife. It was a marriage of convenience definitely for them.

Marriage isn't always about love and romance. Sometimes it's just a business transaction.


Well, thank the baby Jebus they're straight so the sanctity of marriage was not imperiled.
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#18 Mar 21 2012 at 6:00 PM Rating: Good
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Marriage is primarily a business transaction.
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#19 Mar 21 2012 at 6:39 PM Rating: Default
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/shrug

And on the off chance that he should knock her up during their marriagebusiness transaction, the child will be better protected by the law than otherwise and be more likely to enjoy positive outcomes as a result. So mission accomplished!
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#20 Mar 21 2012 at 6:42 PM Rating: Good
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Must... resist... urge...
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#21 Mar 21 2012 at 7:30 PM Rating: Good
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#22 Mar 21 2012 at 7:42 PM Rating: Excellent
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gbaji wrote:
/shrug

And on the off chance that he should knock her up during their marriagebusiness transaction, the child will be better protected by the law than otherwise and be more likely to enjoy positive outcomes as a result. So mission accomplished!
can't...resist...urge

No, the child will likely suffer from bad Romantic Relationship modelling, being around a couple who are presumed to be a couple, but are not actually in love with one another. And either the couple will do what they wanted to do originally, and get divorced sooner, when the child is very young, making the born-in-wedlock thing moot, or the couple will do the worst of two bad alternatives, and stay together "for the child". Cue child picking up on and being exposed to tensions and fights between unhappy adults, whom for stress reasons are likely to be worse modellers and explicit parenters to their child.
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#23 Mar 21 2012 at 8:01 PM Rating: Excellent
I'm not sure how the child would be better protected by the law really. I'm not an expert though. Neither is Gbaji of course, but he is more likely to make something up.
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#24 Mar 21 2012 at 8:12 PM Rating: Excellent
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It wouldn't be better protected by the law. The child I had when I was single had more benefits than the child I have while I'm married.
#25 Mar 21 2012 at 9:28 PM Rating: Excellent
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Aripyanfar wrote:
gbaji wrote:
/shrug

And on the off chance that he should knock her up during their marriagebusiness transaction, the child will be better protected by the law than otherwise and be more likely to enjoy positive outcomes as a result. So mission accomplished!
can't...resist...urge

No, the child will likely suffer from bad Romantic Relationship modelling, being around a couple who are presumed to be a couple, but are not actually in love with one another. And either the couple will do what they wanted to do originally, and get divorced sooner, when the child is very young, making the born-in-wedlock thing moot, or the couple will do the worst of two bad alternatives, and stay together "for the child". Cue child picking up on and being exposed to tensions and fights between unhappy adults, whom for stress reasons are likely to be worse modellers and explicit parenters to their child.


Hey Kaolian

Just nuke this thread, please.
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#26 Mar 21 2012 at 10:04 PM Rating: Excellent
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Debalic wrote:
Aripyanfar wrote:
gbaji wrote:
/shrug

And on the off chance that he should knock her up during their marriagebusiness transaction, the child will be better protected by the law than otherwise and be more likely to enjoy positive outcomes as a result. So mission accomplished!
can't...resist...urge

No, the child will likely suffer from bad Romantic Relationship modelling, being around a couple who are presumed to be a couple, but are not actually in love with one another. And either the couple will do what they wanted to do originally, and get divorced sooner, when the child is very young, making the born-in-wedlock thing moot, or the couple will do the worst of two bad alternatives, and stay together "for the child". Cue child picking up on and being exposed to tensions and fights between unhappy adults, whom for stress reasons are likely to be worse modellers and explicit parenters to their child.


Hey Kaolian

Just nuke this thread, please.


WHY DID I CLICK THAT PICTURE I WISH YOU A FIERY AND PAINFUL DEATH
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