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#1 Mar 01 2015 at 9:43 PM Rating: Decent
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I have issues. I am first to admit it. This particular one was something of a surprise to me. I always thought of myself as a pragmatic person, but let me give you few details to go over.

I am slowly preparing for this wedding. We already have some **** out of the way, but now mom ( who is four thousands miles away ) along with gma ( who is not about the same distance from me ), are voicing their discontent about the wedding not having a catholic ceremony. Today, mom offered to pay for it so that I feel better about it.

If someone asked me what I would do in such a situation, I would simply say, take money and make everyone happy, but I am learning that the prospect of bending and kneeling makes me unhappy. My significant other's approach is that if it makes mom happy, she would want the points for that.

I am not looking for advice here, as odds are it will end up in a family row this way or another, but I am curious if your weddings involved advanced meddling of parents.

Edited, Mar 1st 2015 10:43pm by angrymnk

Edited, Mar 1st 2015 10:44pm by angrymnk
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#2 Mar 01 2015 at 9:58 PM Rating: Good
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Isn't a (heterosexual) wedding all about what the woman wants? The guy is just there as an accessory.

Edited, Mar 1st 2015 11:06pm by TirithRR
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#3 Mar 01 2015 at 10:04 PM Rating: Decent
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TirithRR wrote:
Is a (heterosexual) wedding all about what the woman wants? The guy is just there as an accessory.


"Do you take *this* man?" jokes aside, I do not believe that; I left a country because of silly superstitions like that.

Nor do I believe I am obligated to listen to my parent on this ( even if she is a woman ).
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#4 Mar 01 2015 at 10:54 PM Rating: Excellent
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My mother works in the wedding business so she helped us connect to various people and saved us some money but remarkably stayed out of the whole planning bit to a good extent. My wife's mother lives several states away so she wasn't too involved either. I believe she sprung for a wedding planner though.

We were always on the same page about the basics though so things like church and type of reception, etc weren't ever an issue for debate.
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#5 Mar 02 2015 at 6:24 AM Rating: Excellent
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How far away is the wedding at this point?

Sounds like you get to tell Mom to stuff it.

My family is pretty laissez-faire about stuff.
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#6 Mar 02 2015 at 7:35 AM Rating: Good
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The wedding is about the two of you, everyone else can **** off, unless they're actually making things easier.
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#7 Mar 02 2015 at 8:47 AM Rating: Good
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We didn't tell anyone about us getting married because our families are so different that it would turn into the Mafia vs Yakuza episode of Deadliest Warrior. They paid for the honeymoon though, so it all worked out.
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#8 Mar 02 2015 at 8:54 AM Rating: Good
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lolgaxe wrote:
They paid for the honeymoon though, so it all worked out.

Sounds like they were just investing in the opportunity for grandkids.
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#9 Mar 02 2015 at 10:03 AM Rating: Excellent
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Mafia won that one, right? I hope your family is the Italians.
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#10 Mar 02 2015 at 1:19 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
Mafia won that one, right? I hope your family is the Italians.
Some parts of it are stereotypically so. All three stereotypes.
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#11 Mar 02 2015 at 1:26 PM Rating: Decent
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My mother works in the wedding business

Listen. There's basically no amount money I won't pay to film a reality series where you and Flea quit your jobs and go to work for your mom. Hilarity would ensue, Joph. HILARITY!
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#12 Mar 02 2015 at 3:44 PM Rating: Decent
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angrymnk wrote:
I am slowly preparing for this wedding. We already have some **** out of the way, but now mom ( who is four thousands miles away ) along with gma ( who is not about the same distance from me ), are voicing their discontent about the wedding not having a catholic ceremony. Today, mom offered to pay for it so that I feel better about it.


First off, it's your wedding, so ultimately do what you want. Having said that, if you feel the need to balance family harmony with your own wants, there are still some issues.

Paying for it isn't the only issue. I seem to recall Joph and I getting into an argument about whether you can even have a wedding in a Catholic Church unless both (at least one?) participants are Catholic and active in the parish where the church is *plus* having gone through the whole posting banns and attending some training and/or retreat thing they do for folks planning on getting married (which may include additional training if one of the participants isn't Catholic). But even to whatever degree these requirements may vary from place to place, there's usually a looooooooooooong waiting list for a church wedding (plenty long enough to do all that other stuff). If you're planning on getting married in the next year and haven't already arranged this with a church, it probably isn't happening in that church.

Quote:
I am not looking for advice here, as odds are it will end up in a family row this way or another, but I am curious if your weddings involved advanced meddling of parents.


Hah. Ooops. Um... I've never been married, but tons of siblings/friends have. I think every single one has had massive drama. Parental meddling is just one form. You also have to deal with friends/family who might feel they've been dissed based on inclusion in the wedding party (or not), what table they're seated at, etc. A wedding is like that episode of Survivor where they rig a challenge to force players to rank the other players and has all the same potential for creating conflict. Of course, then there's also the issue of family/friends who don't like each other, but you have to invite them. Can't invite Aunt Sue without also inviting Uncle Joe, despite them being in the midst of a brutal divorce, right? This also leads to decisions about open bars.


Funny thing is that at the end of all that drama, weddings tend to work out anyway. It's amazing how once the "I do's" are done, none of that stuff people wrangled over and argued over and stressed over actually matters to them. It's like magic or something!

Edited, Mar 2nd 2015 1:45pm by gbaji
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#13 Mar 02 2015 at 3:59 PM Rating: Excellent
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angrymnk wrote:
I am not looking for advice here, as odds are it will end up in a family row this way or another, but I am curious if your weddings involved advanced meddling of parents.
No, we largely kept them out of it.

We went out of the country for the ceremony and only invited the select few we knew would follow us. When we got back we did a 'reception' of sorts for my side and one for her side. We paid for the wedding, and the respective parents covered the receptions. Everyone got a something to muddy their hands with, and it tended to keep them out of the other things. For us it was about the only way to make it happen, as a wedding near either my family or hers was going to be an extremely lop-sided affair. The families live thousands of miles apart with nothing but water in-between, so no middle ground.
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#14 Mar 02 2015 at 6:45 PM Rating: Decent
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Hmm, I do have fair amount of time ( 10 months or so ), but you made me think that maybe not all hope islost. I do want to be able to keep most of my ret-religious family content, but I cannot be faulted if I make an honest attempt and still be denied the honor, because: a) I do not go to church b) I do not give money to it.

I guess we will see how crazy are the demands of the priest..
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#15 Mar 02 2015 at 7:16 PM Rating: Excellent
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Maybe scout around ahead of time and find a really crazy one.
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#16 Mar 02 2015 at 7:39 PM Rating: Decent
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Samira wrote:
Maybe scout around ahead of time and find a really crazy one.


Or one that doesn't spend enough time learning about the families prior to doing the service. When my younger brother got married, he and his wife had the service in a Catholic Church. A decent percentage of her relatives live in Mexico, so the service was mixed English/Spanish. But the guy they had doing the service was not the same guy who'd been working with them up to the time of the wedding. Not sure if it was a last minute substitution, or the priest they'd been working with didn't speak Spanish well enough, or what. In any case, the guy did his homily on the importance of staying faithful to your spouse and keeping your marriage alive and avoiding divorce at all costs, spending quite a bit of time talking about the "sin" of divorce, which was quite awkward given that both of the parents of the two getting married were divorced. So there they are sitting in the front rows basically being lectured to about how they didn't do a good enough job with their own marriages. Not the greatest moment.

Then there was the whole issue with most of the Latino side of the family actually not being Catholic while the Anglo side almost entirely was, and the priest not being aware of this fact. He went off on a tangent about how strong the Catholic tradition was among Latinos, how great it was to see so many Catholics coming from Mexico to attend the wedding, waxing poetic about his time in this church or the other in Mexico, etc, etc, etc. Several times, he said things that made it clear that he assumed that the white folks on the groom's side were visitors to a Catholic church and needed to be told about how such things work, while the Latinos on the bride's side were all in the know.

It was an "interesting" service. Again though, it's one of those things that you kinda laugh about, but no one really cares once the wedding itself is over with. Makes for great "remember at the wedding when ..." stories around the holiday dinner table though.
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#17 Mar 02 2015 at 9:33 PM Rating: Decent
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Samira wrote:
Maybe scout around ahead of time and find a really crazy one.


I DID toy with the idea of renting black church ( with a damn choir ), but there is not one in the suburbs and significant other refused to ride that far.
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#18 Mar 03 2015 at 5:42 AM Rating: Good
No super direct meddling of the 'rents during my nuptials a couple of years ago. My Mom tried to turn the rehearsal dinner my parents paid for into a larger event than we wanted (she wanted my family's indirect family that was in town for the wedding to attend the dinner) but we squashed it as it would be unfair to my bride's family.

Her Mom didn't want an open bar (as her parents paid for most of the ceremony), but we got so under budget that she was fine with it.

My mother is the judgmental type, but since my 3 sisters had hippy/casual weddings mine was the most traditional so she was less judgy. Thanks hippy sisters!

My father in law's speech borrowed heavily from the marriage scene in Princess bride, which was awesome.

Edited, Mar 3rd 2015 6:43am by Omegavegeta
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#19 Mar 03 2015 at 6:00 AM Rating: Good
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Omegavegeta wrote:
Her Mom didn't want an open bar (as her parents paid for most of the ceremony), but we got so under budget that she was fine with it.


I wouldn't want an open bar, not because of the cost, but because people (at least, in my family) have zero self control and if they want to drink themselves stupid and do stupid **** at the reception, they can pay for it.
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#20 Mar 03 2015 at 7:32 AM Rating: Decent
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TirithRR wrote:
Omegavegeta wrote:
Her Mom didn't want an open bar (as her parents paid for most of the ceremony), but we got so under budget that she was fine with it.


I wouldn't want an open bar, not because of the cost, but because people (at least, in my family) have zero self control and if they want to drink themselves stupid and do stupid **** at the reception, they can pay for it.


The liability part of the contract does scare me a little, but the biggest drunk just passed the other year, and there will be a snack bar with Polish food that was pretty much designed to help you hold your liquor.
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#21 Mar 03 2015 at 7:46 AM Rating: Decent
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I am slowly preparing for this wedding. We already have some **** out of the way, but now mom ( who is four thousands miles away ) along with gma ( who is not about the same distance from me ), are voicing their discontent about the wedding not having a catholic ceremony. Today, mom offered to pay for it so that I feel better about it.

Just send them a copy of the first hour of The Deer Hunter. Problem solved.
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Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#22 Mar 03 2015 at 8:41 AM Rating: Decent
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Omegavegeta wrote:
No super direct meddling of the 'rents during my nuptials a couple of years ago. My Mom tried to turn the rehearsal dinner my parents paid for into a larger event than we wanted (she wanted my family's indirect family that was in town for the wedding to attend the dinner) but we squashed it as it would be unfair to my bride's family.

Her Mom didn't want an open bar (as her parents paid for most of the ceremony), but we got so under budget that she was fine with it.

My mother is the judgmental type, but since my 3 sisters had hippy/casual weddings mine was the most traditional so she was less judgy. Thanks hippy sisters!

My father in law's speech borrowed heavily from the marriage scene in Princess bride, which was awesome.

Hippy sisters? My hippie sister performed my ceremony as a minister of the Universal Life Church, in a public park by the river.

Then we took over a local bar for the rest of the day. Smiley: chug Smiley: boozing
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#23 Mar 03 2015 at 10:55 PM Rating: Good

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Hippy sisters? My hippie sister performed my ceremony as a minister of the Universal Life Church, in a public park by the river.

Then we took over a local bar for the rest of the day.


Oldest Sister's First Marriage - Ceremony @ the Courthouse, Reception at the Bar she worked at.
Oldest Sister's 2nd Marriage - Pig Roast @ a Park.
Younger Sister's Marriage - BBQ at a park.
Youngest Sister's Marriage - Her backyard.
My Marriage - Ceremony in a ballroom w/a JOP, cocktail reception, reception in ballroom.

We were all raised Catholic, not one of us had a wedding in a church.
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#24 Mar 04 2015 at 9:18 AM Rating: Decent
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We were all raised Catholic

Yeah, but US Catholic. You might as well be agnostic.
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Disclaimer:

To make a long story short, I don't take any responsibility for anything I post here. It's not news, it's not truth, it's not serious. It's parody. It's satire. It's bitter. It's angsty. Your mother's a *****. You like to jack off dogs. That's right, you heard me. You like to grab that dog by the bone and rub it like a ski pole. Your dad? Gay. Your priest? Straight. **** off and let me post. It's not true, it's all in good fun. Now go away.

#25 Mar 04 2015 at 5:50 PM Rating: Decent
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Smasharoo wrote:
We were all raised Catholic

Yeah, but US Catholic. You might as well be agnostic.


Well hell. Here I thought I was being all rebellious and whatnot.
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#26 Mar 05 2015 at 6:14 PM Rating: Decent
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Smasharoo wrote:
We were all raised Catholic

Yeah, but US Catholic. You might as well be agnostic.


I know you are joking, but most people do not realize how embedded Catholicism is in the old country. It is not just a once a week thing and then Jesus is left in his church and, in US, on FB; it is deeply ingrained in life by design and is, for better or for worse, a part of national rituals, including some holidays, and laws ( always fun whenever Manson, Madonna or other band that is deemed satanic visits the land to play their unholy music and someone's religious feelings are offended ).

It is so ingrained my otherwise sensible parent is unable to see the option of not being a part of this particular superstition.

For those on this forum who are unable to comprehend the sheer amount of indoctrination an average citizen undergoes there, I can only compare it to the American flag, "support the troops" and "Amerikuh, **** yeah", but it still does not cover it.

Not to mention, American Catholics allow for things Pope does not like.
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