Hehe. Very nice. Even being someone who consistently complains about S-E's policies, I can appreciate the parody of my rants. Now, just to further the cause (and bump the thread), let me offer a parody of the typical troller response to a real S-E is racist post (note that I will take each point and bash it, even if my bash is out of context with the whole argument):
Quote:
1) The other four races are forced to share living quarters in pairs, but the elvaan get an entire kingdom all to themselves. Those poor humes and galka are stuck in the most godforsaken, desolate part of the world, and we tarus and our mithra friends have been given a "reservation" to live on. How considerate. We're not even allowed to open casinos on our "reservation" since legalised gambling is exclusively San d'Orian (remember that guy near the mog house in South San d'Oria who always wants to bet you 10 gil?)
Yes, but San d'Oria is an ancient kingdom. They had been there for millennia before the immature Humes, inept Taru, poor Galka and underequipped Mithra arrived on their continent and started killing all of the named mobs that had been claimed exclusively for Elvaan. How would you feel, as an Elvaan, to have your country invaded. The fact is, FFXI is an Elvaan game made by an Elvaan company and if you don't like it you can just take your Hume toon to EQ2!!
Quote:
2) San d'Oria has a huge, beautiful, modern cathedral. Do you know what Bastok has? A "house of worship" the size of a midget's broom-closet in the middle of all the sweat and grime and oil and fumes of the metalworks. And again, Windurst gets the shaft. We're not even PERMITTED to practice religion. And on a related note (point 2b), San d'Oria gets all of the white mage artifact quests. Everyone knows tarus make the best mages and elvaan are 2nd-to-worst, so why do THEY get the WHM artifact quests, hmm? VERY suspicious. Could this be part of S-E's plot to encourage elvaan WHMs, eliminating the need for more magically oriented races like the humes, mithra and tarus?
Come on man, S-E never does anything to skew a game one way or another. Don't you remember Chrono, Cloud, and Tidus? How could the company that created those lovable characters be racist? How could that company possibly do any wrong after such a history of great games? Those characters didn't even look Elvaan!
Show me proof, darn it. I WANT PROOF!!!! I want a signed confession from an S-E dev that their end goal is to promote Elvaan over other races or what you're saying has no merit. I need a notarized memo from the CEO of S-E affirming that the comments of that dev are in fact the actual opinions of the company, not of one disgruntled employee.
Quote:
3) San d'Oria has the most convenient access to Jeuno. San d'Orians simply have to get on a chocobo, ride through the beautiful scenery of Ronfaure, pass through a mere HALF of La Theine, then we're back to a surrounding of peaceful trees in Jugner Forest, and then AGAIN they have a mere half-zone trip, this time across Batallia Downs. Meanwhile, Bastokans have to go through an entire extra zone to get to Jeuno (North Gustaberg... notice that San d'Orians don't have to go through both of THEIR newbie areas?), and Windurstians have to go through Meriphataud Mountans with it's annoying weaving road and stupid mountains (it might as well count as two zones). So, the elvaan have a nice, short, scenic trip while the rest of us have to pray our chocobo doesn't leave us stranded in the middle of nowhere, far from civilisation.
I have no good comeback for this one, so shut up.
Quote:
4) San d'Oria has the easiest Teleport quest. Teleport-Holla is so ridiculously easy, the scroll sells for a mere 8,000 gil on Fairy. CLEARLY this is S-E's way of encouraging travel to San d'Oria. Meanwhile, Windurst's Teleport-Mea is absolutely RIDICULOUSLY hard to do, and thus sells for a tonne on the auction. And Bastok, with it's moderately difficult teleport quest, STILL gets stuck with having to travel a whole extra zone from their crag. S-E is obviously wanting people to go to San d'Oria, and equally obvious, they're trying to make it HARDER to get to Bastok or Windurst. FAVOURITISM, PEOPLE!
Did it ever occur to you that maybe this is because most n00bs choose San d'Oria and they just want your first time through the game to be as pleasurable as possible. S-E loves all of us. We are all Altana's children, Hume, Galka, Taru (well maybe not Taru... I have a suspicion they were grown in Altana's garden). Anyway, you're on the wrong side of a chicken or the egg argument, and I'm on the right one. (Scratch your head about that one for a while)
Quote:
5) Can someone explain to me why Bastok is forced to share its smithing guild with San d'Oria? Bastok is a mining town. San d'Oria is a logging town. Again, favouritism. S-E wants to make sure their precious elvaans are clad in the latest armour, so they gave San d'Oria a free bonus guild.
Hmmm... I don't agree with you. Shut up and stop posting anti-SE threads.
Quote:
6) San d'Orians don't just enjoy easy travel to Jeuno, their newbies enjoy the easiest travel to Valkurm Dunes as well. Bastokans have to go through that horribly dangerous tunnel filled with aggroing, linking bats. And Windurstians have to struggle through goblin hordes in Buburimu and vicious undead pirates and killer octopi on the ferry (which they have to PAY for.. paying for the "priveledge" of going to Valkurm Dunes, HA!) just to HOPE they make it safely.
Maybe if you didn't suck at the game and not know half as much about it as me, you'd know there are much better places to level than Valkurm. Try Korroloka Tunnel for a change, which Bastokans don't even have to leave their city to get to!!!
Quote:
7) San d'Orians, at some point, randomly took control of Rabao from its rightful owner, Bastok. Altepa Desert is the native home of the galka. It's connected DIRECTLY TO BASTOK via Korroloka Tunnel. So, why then is the auction house in Rabao linked to San d'Oria's auction house? Again, racism on S-E's part. It's disgusting how blatant their bias is.
That's not bias, it's rewarding those who are smarter, like me. The Galka were too stupid and lazy to reclaim their homeland, so they are content to do all the grunt work and suffer the racism of Humes against them. They deserve it. Meanwhile, because the Elvaan are genetically superior and good at math, they've figured out ways to get the AH at Rabao linked to theirs, and if Galka and Humes were smart enough they would figure it out and use it too.
Quote:
8) And if you're thinking "Oh, well S-E USED to be racist but I'm sure they've gotten better by now!", think again. With the introduction of Chains of Promathia, San d'Oria has been blessed with a MOST unfair advantage. Apparently, easy access to Valkurm Dunes wasn't enough for Square's favourite children, so the game designers added an area to REPLACE the later levels of Valkurm, and linked it directly to North San d'Oria. Carpenters' Landing is the ideal place for late teens-early 20's to level, but is it centrally located for all to enjoy? I say not, my friends!
Well, I think you should shut up and stop posting.
Quote:
9) This one may surprise some people to learn, but I've done extensive tests and experiments, and there's only one conclusion: elvaan have a ping advantage when it comes to camping NMs due to their freakishly-long necks, they see the mob before the rest of us since they have the high-ground advantage... Additionally, the servers are located in San d'Oria which is HORRIBLY unfair to the rest of us, since it results in a 0.00028ms delay. Don't bother complaining to the GMs about it, either. A GM will almost always respond to an elvaan call before any other race so you may not even hear back from a GM for several hours (and when you do, their response is always "Have you blacklisted the offending nation?"). And god help you if it's your word against an elf's (yes, I used a racial slur, but it's justified! Damn those elves, damn them to hell!) The elvaan can train on you, steal your mobs, steal your wife, steal your ****, steal your cream cheese bagel, steal your house-trained beagle, and steal your bard friend's bugle and beat you to death with it, and the GMs will send YOU to jail for harassment. I know, it happened to me. "Legomyeggolas" on Fairy owes me... oh, he owes me GOOD.
Despite your mountains of traceroutes and testimonials of 1000 different non-Elvaan characters who have reported ping differences and mobs engaging to Elvaan before they are even targetable to Taru, I'm telling you as an expert in the field, i.e. an Elvaan anthropologist, that their necks have absolutely NOTHING to do with their advantage. S-E has created a perfect environment where in-game advantages could not possibly derive from out-of-game circumstances, and if you can't engage mobs with your Mithra before the Elvaan can, it must be because you suck!! Plus, your choice of picking out a physical characteristic to attribute this advantage to is RACIST!!! You sir, are a RACIST. Why don't you just talk about Galka skin tone while you're at it?? And I can understand completely why GM's tend to ignore tells from non-Elvaans. It's because most non-Elvaans are 10 years old in RL and they probably complain constantly, where Elvaan do not complain at all. I can also see why there are Elvaan GMs which exist to deal with Elvaan problems exclusively because after all, it is the Elvaan market that keeps this game going.
Quote:
10) My final point in this rant will be enough to convince ANYONE of the racism prevalent in this game. I want you all to think for a moment, about the royal family of San d'Oria. Think about the president of Bastok. Think about the Star Sybil of Windurst.... one of these three is not like the others. The president's office is always open, 24/7, for you to air your problems with Bastok's leader. Heavens Tower is an inviting, welcoming locale in the heart of Windurst. But the Chateau? Oh no, unless you're San d'Orian or on some "official business" they won't even let you in the door. S-E is obviously allowing the elves (there's that slur again, I get ugly when I'm mad) to isolate themselves from the rest of the world, fueling their superiority complex. Those xenophobic bastards... I've even started to see "ELV ONLY" in their search comments. SICKENING.
Well, if you were a native speaker of ancient Elvaan, and you had put the time into learning enough of their language to communicate but they were so stupid that they didn't speak a word of yours, would you want to play with them. Plus... Humes are just... well... bad players. And I can say that without being racist because I am a Hume. I am ashamed to be a Hume because Hume culture is so corrupt and I see why the rest of Vanadiel hates us. And as for your comment about all Elvaan being xenophobic and superior, as a 1/20th Elvaan on my ex-stepfather's side, I can tell you I completely understand Elvaan culture where you do not. They are just misunderstood. Plus, I have a lot of really good Elvaan friends in-game, and they aren't mean to me at all (though they do tend to ***** over a lot of other Humes, but that's beside the point).
In closing, I think any attempt to generalize, even based on hundreds of instances of actual game experiences, about a particular group of toons, is RACIST. If you do it, you're RACIST. Oh yeah, and shut up. This thread is stupid and you have no right to speak.
Thanks for the laugh. Look forward to more.
Edited, Wed Oct 20 17:20:25 2004 by KaelFFXI Edited, Wed Oct 20 17:22:50 2004 by KaelFFXI
