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Women or FFXI?Follow

#1 Jun 29 2005 at 10:34 AM Rating: Excellent
Guide : How to manage having a wife and playing a MMORPG

Playing a MMORPG takes time. On this, we all agree. Having a wife also takes time. We still agree.

Now what to do if you are a MMORPG player and are also married? Admit that you have no idea! Let me tell you...

Some of you that are a bit too idealistic will say there is nothing to change, we just have to take all the time we want for both. Big mistake. This is neglecting that we only have 24 hours in one day and that it's simply impossible for a human being like you and me (espescially like me) to satisfy both your wife and your MMORPG.

Before going farther, let's give clear definitions in order to make the difference between a wife and a MMORPG.

1- MMORPG : fun thing, that provides you with a lot of emotions and great pleasure.

2- Wife : fun thing, that provides you with a lot of emotions and great pleasure.

Already, we're in a dead end. How to make the difference? Try this simple trick: ask to both your wife and your MMORPG to bring you a spaghetti with meat balls. Chances are that the one who'll bring you the spaghetti within the hour is your wife. The other one is certainly your MMORPG.

Some stupid people will pretend that there are some wives who can not cook a spaghetti with meat balls. Ridiculous. Don't make me lose my time with such stupid affirmations.

Now that we're done with the definitions, let's get to the point and explain how you can manage both your wife and your MMORPG. This is where it gets difficult. Even if we know we are true males and that we are proud to have ancestors that were killing mammouths, let's admit it: a wife is much harder to tame than a mammouth. Try to say to your wife that "NO I can't spend time with you tonight I have a raid to make on my game". The only raid you'll do is at the hospital.

Now let me explain you the way of negotiation:

1- Strong negotiation : This one can only work if you are big and strong and if your wife is NOT an ex-military.

Chick : What is it my dear?
Roy : Tonight I got an alliance, big fight to do and EVERYONE
counts on me to be there, if not the alliance will be a failure.
Chick : But you promised to watch the movie with me!
Roy : NO DISCUSSION WOMAN! The fate of the world is in my hands!
Chick : Are you sure? (she makes those eyes...)
Roy : BACK OFF!! My chocobo is waiting for me!

Advantage: You're clearly showing who has the balls in the couple.
Disadvantage: Maybe it's not you who has the balls after all.

2- "Compliment" negotiation

This one is really dangerous. Don't forget that wives are much more subtle then we can be and you're risking a big penalty if your wife sees the trap.

Roy : Darling..
Chick : Yes, my dear?
Roy : Your hair are beautiful that way.
Chick : Oh yeah, you really think it's making me more pretty?
Roy : ABSOLUTELY!!! You're almost like the ones we see in the magazines.
Chick : Oh you're so romantic. Ok, I allow you to sit in front of your computer instead of coming with me to see mom.

Advantage : Very easy on wives who worry about their physical appearance.
Disadvantage : You'll have to remain an ***-licker for the rest of your life.

3- Handkerchief negotiation

Really simple. You only have to find a handkerchief and apply chloroform on it:

Roy : Darling, could you come here please.
Chick : Yes, what is AAAHHHHH Mblmblmbbblbm... Zzzzzzzzzz...

Advantage : Depending on your wife metabolism, you'll probably have a few hours to play without being disturbed.
Disadvantage : if your father-in-law is judge, you're in troubles.

4- Religious negotiation
Note: Only works on wives that believe in God.

Roy : Darling, God spoke with me this afternoon.
Chick : During your sleep? You probably didn't hear much with all your snoring.
Roy : SILENCE WOMAN! This is no time for joke. God ordered me to lead a crusade.
Chick : Seriously?
Roy : Yes. Churches are emptying because youngers spend too much time on their computer games and God asked me to lead them back on the right way.
Chick : What a difficult task it will be!
Roy : I know but believe me, I'm willing to spend every hours it will take in front of my computer, until my task is over!
Chick : You're so brave! I'll pray for your success!
Roy : Amen

Advantage : Considering there are 500,000 people playing FFXI, your task is far from over.
Disadvantage : After your death, you'll go directly to hell for having used the name of God to play a video game.

5- "Invisible man" negotiation

This time, unlike the strong negotiation, it's strongly advised to be as short and lean as possible. The idea is to find a small closet to hide in until the storm stops. Bringing provisions is strongly advised but avoid chips (it makes noise).

Chick : my dear, if you're not out in the next 20 seconds, I leave WITHOUT you to see mom.
Roy : (whisper) Victory!

Advantage : Not only will you be able to play your MMORPG, but you'll be able to eat as much fat and sugar as you want.
Disadvantage : She'll obviously end up finding you sooner or later and be sure that at this time, you'll pay.

6- "Lancelot" negotiation

Looks a bit like the strong negotiation. You use women feelings by looking like a knight in shining armor on a white horse. It's recommended to take a bath and wear pants before trying this.

Roy : Lady!
Chick : Yes my dear?
Roy : My heart is bleeding! I can't live without your eyes and smile but unfortunately! I must go! War is calling me!
Chick : What? I didn't know they were calling up conscription.
Roy : No not this war mylady. Another war, agains't the god of evil who seeks to destroy us all!
Chick : Oh dear, I love it when you speak like this.
Roy : Kiss me one last time so that I may keep you in my memory while I'm out of our castle.
Chick : Go! My dear lancelot!
Roy : I love you!
Chick : And try not to be ripped off in the Lot this time!

Advantage : Your wife now sees you as a knight in shining armor.
Disadvantage : You'll have to watch your personal hygiene for the rest of your life.

That's it! Be strong guys! We'll win!

Edited, Wed Jun 29 11:45:45 2005 by Blaisethor
#2 Jun 29 2005 at 10:41 AM Rating: Good
229 posts
Nice work, quite a few little chuckles in there.

(BTW my fiance understands, she plays FFXI too :P)

Blaisethor wrote:
It's recommended to take a bath and wear pants before trying this.

#3 Jun 29 2005 at 10:41 AM Rating: Default
1,141 posts
HAHAHA, my god, that's easily one of the funniest things i've ever read on here. The handkercheif one is my favorite.

i'll even over look your whacked out grammar and spelling in light of how amusing it was.

nicely done, rate up!
#4 Jun 29 2005 at 10:41 AM Rating: Good
1,854 posts
LMMFAO, that was funny.

The downside to your little post is that the only one that looks like it would be completely successful would be the rag trick. I know I've built up an immunity to my hubby's corny ways to get me do what he wants and he knows if he tried the more bossy tactics, he'd lose something he values... All his gil and armor ^-^
#5 Jun 29 2005 at 10:49 AM Rating: Default
My girlfriend who lives with me plays FFXI too. Even still, trying to manage work, school, girlfriend, FFXI, and other games is a little hard.
#6 Jun 29 2005 at 10:58 AM Rating: Decent
This is why I solo DRG/WHM.

You never have to wait for a party.
You never have to be mindful of the play time of others.
You can start and stop playing on a whim.

Helps out the whole "managing life" thing quite a bit.

If that's not your cup of tea, get your wife into a hobby. My girl linedances, but ever since I went and hated it she says I don't have to go. Thank Altana. That's a clean 3 hours every Sunday night at least!
#7 Jun 29 2005 at 11:00 AM Rating: Good
649 posts
Just marry a woman that loves TV that you hate...

FFXI seven nights a week...

It works out great, it's that or she is forced to watch Baseball or Hockey...

#8 Jun 29 2005 at 11:12 AM Rating: Good
177 posts
well put, thanks for the giggles
#9 Jun 29 2005 at 11:19 AM Rating: Good
631 posts
#10 Jun 29 2005 at 11:24 AM Rating: Decent
218 posts
Smiley: lol nicely done!

Loved the Invisible Man one, as I tend to use this on my hubby once in awhile.

Unfortunately as I tend towards the tall end of the spectrum a closet is out of the question. Leaving the house altogether for long enough for him to get bored and go fishing works well. ^_^

(Ya know, if I could just get him interested in any game whatsoever this would be a lot easier Smiley: banghead)
#11 Jun 29 2005 at 12:18 PM Rating: Decent
1,433 posts
Great post! How come I didn't think of the handkerchief one before?
#12 Jun 29 2005 at 12:24 PM Rating: Good
424 posts
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!! XD
#13 Jun 29 2005 at 12:29 PM Rating: Good
Ditch the Woman.

You will have more time for ffxi and other fun stuff, and possibly have a lot more $$$ in the bank at the end of the month.

With the invention of online gaming, and unlimited free ****, Women are kind of outdated these days.

(Unless they play ffxi too)
#14 Jun 29 2005 at 12:38 PM Rating: Decent
126 posts
Very funny. Thanks for the post. :)
#15 Jun 29 2005 at 12:41 PM Rating: Good
2,388 posts
I am going to send this to her right now. My wife is EVIL! She will come on to me during boss fights! Just two nights ago we were at the Titan protocrystal and she jumps on me. I had to tell that party "Emergency 15 min afk! Sorry!" I think she gets off by ******* you guys over!

Edited, Wed Jun 29 13:53:59 2005 by Spungy
#16 Jun 29 2005 at 12:46 PM Rating: Decent
1,058 posts

I like the MMO/Wife comparison thingy, but there's just one problem.
If you play Everquest II, you can have your MMO bring you Pizza :) Kinda blurs the line even more.

#17 Jun 29 2005 at 12:47 PM Rating: Decent

I am on this game way to much @.@

/goes shopping

#18 Jun 29 2005 at 2:01 PM Rating: Decent
297 posts
Amusing =)
#19 Jun 29 2005 at 2:51 PM Rating: Decent
1,433 posts
Another tecnic would be to learn to your wife how to farm so she can have your character making money while you're not there.
#20 Jun 29 2005 at 3:23 PM Rating: Decent
212 posts
Mixed marriages {That's too bad.}
#21 Jun 29 2005 at 3:55 PM Rating: Good
912 posts
hahaha, that's pretty funny XD

rate up for OP ^^
#22 Jun 29 2005 at 4:25 PM Rating: Decent
52 posts
Ha! This is great... luckily my boyfriend and I both play, so we set aside time to play together, and we understand the need to play...

The best is when he asks,
"How long til dinner?"
"About 15 minutes.."
"So.... do I have enough time to get a party together??"

#23 Jun 29 2005 at 4:41 PM Rating: Decent
Women,they come and go.But your FFXI is your FFXI forever,dude.
#24 Jun 29 2005 at 4:44 PM Rating: Decent
3,564 posts
Haha, that was a good laugh after a long day at work. Smiley: lol Rate up.
FFXI (Retired)
Naiya | Mithra | Windurst | Rank 10 | 1st Lieutenant | Ragnarok
WAR: 75 MNK: 75 SAM: 66
RotZ: O | CoP: O | ToAU: O | Apoch Nigh: O

Naiyah | B.Elf | 85 Rogue | Stormscale
Doubleday | B.Elf | 85 Paladin | Stormscale

#25 Jun 29 2005 at 5:17 PM Rating: Decent
126 posts
Great job! Rate UP ^^

3- Handkerchief negotiation

Really simple. You only have to find a handkerchief and apply chloroform on it:

Roy : Darling, could you come here please.
Chick : Yes, what is AAAHHHHH Mblmblmbbblbm... Zzzzzzzzzz...

Advantage : Depending on your wife metabolism, you'll probably have a few hours to play without being disturbed.
Disadvantage : if your father-in-law is judge, you're in troubles.

I tried that once, but when I held the handkerchief up to my nose...sniff, sni..zzzzzzzz
#26 Jun 29 2005 at 5:26 PM Rating: Decent
84 posts
Funny, both myself and my fiance play, I'm the woman... and He's the one who gets asked
"will you get me a beer?"

its beautiful.
I pity you men who have women who dont understand FFXI and its addictive qualities.
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