FFXI jokes list.....Follow

This will be a thread for funny ffxi jokes, inside jokes, whatev. if it's stupid don't post lol. other than that enjoy the jokes. i'll start off...


what does a Sub-Job and sex have in common?


if you don't have it by 20, people will laugh at you!

A Corsair walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the Corsair, "we were in a battle at sea, raiding the ship between selbina a mhaura, and a rangers arrow got stuck in my leg.But the white mage fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the white mage doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird crap!"

"Well, I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

A dark knight walks into a bar with a goblin sitting on his shoulders. The barkeeper takes a look at the pair, and then he asks "Where the hell did that thing come from?" To which the goblin replies "I dunno, but it started off as a boil on my *** last week."

Shamelessly stolen from Lobivopis' sig

What do you get when you cross a tarutaru with a computer?

A short circuit.

Or

A Micro Processor

Edited, Oct 4th 2006 at 5:57pm PDT by fatalillusiontw

There was a thread of FFXI "Your mamma" jokes a while back. The one that still sticks out in my head was:
Your mamma's so fat it takes three black mages to cast warp II on her.

A beautiful elvaan PLD in AF is on her way to Lufaise Meadow by going through the Dunes. As she reach the beach, she sees a low-lvl tarutaru with no arms and no legs crying his eyes out.

-"Why are you crying, tarutaru?"

-"Well, you see, I have no arms and no legs, I've never been hugged by a beautiful women before".

Immediatly feeling a crushing pity, the elvaan moves toward the taru and hugged him. With his happyness restored, she says goodbye and go on her way.

An hour later, a very cute tarutaru WHM wearing nobles walks alone on the beach and she sees the tarutaru crying again all the tears from his body.

-"Why are you sad-aru?"

-"Well, in my condition, I'm not attractive to women and I've never been kissed before"

Feeling sorry and forced by the Code of the Taru to help every tarutaru in the need, she kisses him deeply and goes on her way.

The taru, feeling he's on to something, looks around for a while and starts crying again when he sees a sexy mithra BLM coming his way.

-"Why are you crrrying, tarutarrru?"

-"Well, I've got no arms and no legs, no women wants to be with me...I've never been ****** before by a sexy woman like you"

The mithra pauses a moment and thinks about it, then accepts his request.

-"Wait a few minutes, I'll be rrright back."

As she disappear out of sight, the tarutaru can't believe his luck. This is it! Finally! He's gonna have sex for the first time! He waits for about 10 minutes when he sees the mithra running back to him. However, she was not alone. Behind her was an army of goblins, ghosts, angry sheeps and the WHM AF Notorious Monster.

As his eyes open wide with fear, the mithra runs next to him, uses Manafont and casts Warp on herself.

-"Well, now you'rrre *************

Disclaimer - This joke dates from before the MPK patch. I know it doesn't work anymore.

....bwahahaha.... congrats to me.... I leveled to the point of buzzing that this schiz is funny!

....so how much do I have to drink to merit?

Even a stopped Vanadiel clock is right 24 times a day.

This is an old old one :x

An elvaan and a mithra were throwing rocks at the ground, then the elvaan missed.

i read this on the funny noobs saying forum cant remamber where but glad to see its being used. i try telling my pl friends jokes about ffxi and they dont get it /cry

3 Adventurer's are applying to become Corsairs, a Hume, an Elvaan, and a Mithra.
The 3 are taken to a secret chamber deep in the bowels of Aht Urghan to a chamber with 3 doors and are asked to wait outside.

Eventually a guard walks in and leads the Hume into a room where he sees his wife strapped to a chair, the guard gives the hume a gun and says, "You have five minutes to kill your wife" and walks out of the room.

Just a minute later the hume walks out of the room in tears and sobs, "I couldn't do it, I can't kill my wife"

The guard says, "Well then you don't have what it takes to be a corsair, take your wife and go home."

Next the Elvaan is led to another chamber where his sister is being held and he's handed the same gun. The guard repeats the order, "You have five minutes to kill your sister" and leaves the room.

A few minutes later the same thing happens, the Elvaan walks out of the room;
"I just can't do it..."

The guard says, "Well then you don't have what it takes to be a corsair, take your sister and go home."

Lastely the Mithra is led into a room and there she sees her husband tied to a chair (took a long time for the guard to find him) and he gives her the same gun and told the same thing, "You have five minutes to kill your husband" and leaves the room.

A minute later loud gunshots are heard from within the chamber, the guard chuckles softly to himself. He begins to walk to the chamber door but just as he was about to open it he hears loud bangs and screams from within. Startled, he hesitates and waits and everything goes quiet.

Cautiously he opens the door and looks inside and sees the Mithra walking toward him with an irritated look on her face.

She shoves the gun at him and says, "The stupid thing was full of blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

Edited, Oct 6th 2006 at 3:13pm PDT by Rockmonix

There were three men who were lost in Khazam, a hume, an elvaan and a taru. They were captured by the local tribe of mithra cannibals. The cannibal queen told the prisoners that they could live if they passed the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So the taru, the hume and the elvaan all went separate ways to gather fruits.

The elvaan came back and said to the queen, "I brought ten faerie apples."

The queen then explains the trial to him - you have to shove the fruits up your **** without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in... but on the second one, the elvaan winced in pain, so he was killed and went to the great beyond.

The hume arrives with ten rolanberries. When the queen explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... but on the ninth berry, the hume burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The elvaan and the hume met in the great beyond. The evlaan asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The hume replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the taru coming with Khazam pineapples."

Not as antique as yo momma!! ZING!!

lol j/k