cept for the cheating BF it sounds like you have a bunch of people who like and care for you..
That naïveté is really touching.
Let's look at the OP's "friends" a little closer.
My best friend is whining to me about his body, despite not going to the gym all week.
This best friend might actually care for the OP, but it doesn't show here. Today, he's just interested in a complacent ear because he wants to talk about himself. And complain about something that only he can fix.
Because you have never complained about a thing to your friends. You are perfect and therefore worthy of having friends.
My other friends want to go out tonight, and keep nagging at me to come. I. said. I. Was. Tired.
Real friends acknowledge and respect other people's choices and reasons. Today, they are not respecting the OP. They want him to go out because it would be fun for them. Not for him.
Real friends don't let their friends rot away instead of participating in life.
How would making someone that doesn't want to have fun go out with them be fun? I'm pretty sure that someone that doesn't want to do something is typically surly and... un...fun. Real reason for invite: They want you
to have fun.
My family have taken up the habit of ringing me up to "check how I am" for no apparent reason.
This one's tricky, because family's sacred to a lot of people. But the truth is, most of the time, family members who "check how you are" regularly do not do it out of love for you. Worst case, they do it because they want to have control over your life; best case, they do it so they appease their own conscience and their own fears. In any case: they never wonder if their behaviour is uncomfortable for you. It's just about themselves.
I feel bad for you. You must have had a pretty horrible childhood to have this sort of outlook. If someone is checking on you without giving you a reason it's because they are worried about you for a reason they are uncomfortable talking about. You see this sort of thing happen when a family member worries that you might be suicidal or that you are in walking yourself down a self-destructive path. It's love, not control 98% of the time.
My gym parter wants me to go and work out, even though I already went by myself this morning because we didn't make any plans to go today.
No plans, everything is fair game. The OP already went to the gym. His partner could be "okay, fair enough, let's do this another day". But no, he wants to go to the gym. For himself. No concern for the OP here.
Once again it's a situation where its you that has to be a good friend. Friendship is not a one-way street. There is give and take. If you don't want to go today just say so. Just remember that they were there for you when you needed something.
My flatmates want help cooking something that will most likely poison me.
The OP is probably a bit unfair towards his flatmates. I mean, it could be worse: I could be doing the cooking.
Still, they are asking for help. They are not offering help or care to the OP. Again, they're in a selfish mode.
Last time I checked "flatmates', or as we call them across the pond, "roommates" are supposed to share in the responsibilities of the household. If you are ducking out on your responsibilities so that you can play a video game you are a crappy flatmate and I would kick you out.
OP, it's in those moments that you realize that most people aren't reliable, and don't really care for you. It's now that you can sort your real friends from the fake ones; people who respect you from people who don't.
And it's perfectly all right to send them all to hell and live in isolation for some time. Take all the off time you need until you're ready to come out of your shell again.
And if people won't talk to you anymore because you let them down a couple days, then you're in serious need of better friends.
It's your job to educate people you meet, to teach them what you can accept and what you don't. It's your job to make them respect you. And if they won't agree to your rules, you're better off without them.
To go through a personal crisis is a good, healthy thing. It's a sign you need to check what's really important for you and maybe change your life priorities.
OP, it's in those moments that you realize that most advice you get on the internet isn't reliable, and those people don't really care for you. It's now that you can find out if you're a real friend or a fake one; whether you respect other people or not. And it's your choice to send them all to hell and live in isolation for some time. But be aware that they may not be there when you are ready to come out of your shell again.
And if people won't talk to you anymore because you let them down a couple days, then you're in serious need of better friends, but you are also in need of better friendship skills.
You don't educate friends or teach them what you can accept and what you don't. Friends respect you and if you have to create rules you're better off without them. Edited, Jun 26th 2009 12:56pm by IAmAnsel