1
Forum Settings
       
« Previous 1 2 3 4
Reply To Thread

Invention of the century: Party-o-meter!Follow

#1 Aug 25 2005 at 8:27 AM Rating: Excellent
**
369 posts
I must confess that I do not have much of an "inventor's streak" running through me. However, over the course of the past few days, I have come up with an idea for a new gadget that, if given life, would surely rank up with the automobile as one of Mankind's greatest creations.

The invention? I call it the "Party-o-meter."

What does it do? It measures the performance of your party, the total EXP gained, the quality of the members, the amount of fun that you have, and all that sort of thing. Now, I can already hear your objections. "What good would that be? Once you leave a party, shouldn't you already know how good of a party it was?"

Ah, but that's the beauty of it! The Party-o-meter would give this information to you before you even join. Anybody who has spent any significant amount of time playing FFXI knows that the quality of pickup parties varies as widely as the amount of HQ synths as a function of weekday and moon phase.

So let's say you're out in Batallia Downs, skilling up a weapon with your party flag up. Out of nowhere, that magical auto-translated phrase suddenly appears at the bottom of your television screen or monitor:

{Team up?}

So you plug the Party-o-meter into your PC or Playstation 2, press the large red EVALUATE button, and the following information is crisply displayed on a clear and highly-readable LCD screen:

The party you're about to join is filled with seasoned veterans. You will gain 20,000 XP in this party. You will end up with several new entries in your Friends list. I highly recommend that you join this party.

At this point, you can reply:

{Party} {Yes, please.}

Now, on the other hand, the Party-o-meter might display this:

The party you're about to join is a walking disaster. It would make the maiden voyage of the Titanic look like the moon landing. Your MNK will lose sneak halfway through Kuftal without letting you know that it is wearing. He will die, HP, tell the party to go fark itself, and then disband, leaving you one man down over 500 miles from civilization. You will wait one hour for a replacement.

The replacement arrives. He has excellent equipment. He is Rank 10 in all 3 citites. He will /wave, /bow, and immediately disconnect and never be heard from again. You will wait another 30 minutes for another Rank 2 replacement with an underleveled sub and macroes that contain the phrase "OMG ROFL LOLOL." Your tank, a Level 54 Paladin, will be equipped with a Level 14 Fish Scale Shield. He will die during the first fight.

After 3 fights, your WHM will go AFK for 30 minutes to "eat dinner." During this time, Guivre will show up and eat him. After the WHM is raised, there will be three more fights, at which point the BLM will go AFK mid-battle because he "has to go ****." He misses the MB and kills the chain, but the **** (apparently) comes out okay.

You start fighting again, and within two more fights, a noob on his way to Cape Terrigan brings a train the likes of which has never been seen before. The train includes at least 16 Robber Crabs, 3 Diplopods, and 4 Haunts. Given the size of the train, I can't be entirely sure, but I'm almost positive I saw Bubbly Bernie, Tom Tit Tat, Serket, and Ganon in there. It's not clear how one can even make a train like this, particularly since Ganon is from "The Legend of Zelda." Nevertheless, the entire party is wiped.

I do not recommend that you join this party.


At this point, you can reply:

{I'm playing solo right now.} {Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to pass.}

Okay, show of hands: Would you buy this invention? And how much would you pay for it?
____________________________
Baile of Diabolos -- now Baille of Garuda -- now Baille of Lakshmi
I'm looking for a good social / Abyssea LS on Lakshmi.
Gunter glieben glauchen globen.
#2 Aug 25 2005 at 8:35 AM Rating: Excellent
Scholar
**
523 posts
DiabolosBaile wrote:
Given the size of the train, I can't be entirely sure, but I'm almost positive I saw Bubbly Bernie, Tom Tit Tat, Serket, and Ganon in there. It's not clear how one can even make a train like this, particularly since Ganon is from "The Legend of Zelda." Nevertheless, the entire party is wiped.



L
M
A
O
!
____________________________
Akun - Back: :D Found the world
75War/Nin
73Rdm/Blm
66Bst/War
Seraph Server
#3 Aug 25 2005 at 8:35 AM Rating: Good
**
277 posts
O.O ROFLMAO!

That's incredibly funny! Yes, I would buy that machine, but I don't think I'll ever join a party. 'cause I'll put my flag up and use {Thanks for the offer} everytime as I'm too busy enjoying all the different funny predictions.
____________________________
Tyre - DRK75 / PLD75 / BST75 / COR66 / WAR37 / THF37 / WHM37 / RNG37 / NIN37 / BLM31 - Tarutaru
#4 Aug 25 2005 at 8:38 AM Rating: Good
***
1,763 posts
LMAO!!! That gave me a good laugh! And yes... I'd buy that invention. But couldn't you just get it to auto-reply to the invite without you having to type anything? Yes... I am a lazy ba5tard and far too picky for my own good. ^^

Also.. can you put a TarOO detector in it? So that I can know where the nearest TarOOs are for fun and japes?
____________________________
[ffxisig]173689[/ffxisig]

FFXI Phoenix server - Party Hard!
http://www.stage6.com/user/Darwinion/video/1367111/FFXI---Phoenix-Server---Party-Hard!

Leeds United White Riot!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWDEn9JouMM
#5 Aug 25 2005 at 8:39 AM Rating: Good
*
178 posts
DiabolosBaile wrote:

The party you're about to join is a walking disaster. It would make the maiden voyage of the Titanic look like the moon landing. Your MNK will lose sneak halfway through Kuftal without letting you know that it is wearing. He will die, HP, tell the party to go fark itself, and then disband, leaving you one man down over 500 miles from civilization. You will wait one hour for a replacement.

The replacement arrives. He has excellent equipment. He is Rank 10 in all 3 citites. He will /wave, /bow, and immediately disconnect and never be heard from again. You will wait another 30 minutes for another Rank 2 replacement with an underleveled sub and macroes that contain the phrase "OMG ROFL LOLOL." Your tank, a Level 54 Paladin, will be equipped with a Level 14 Fish Scale Shield. He will die during the first fight.

After 3 fights, your WHM will go AFK for 30 minutes to "eat dinner." During this time, Guivre will show up and eat him. After the WHM is raised, there will be three more fights, at which point the BLM will go AFK mid-battle because he "has to go ****." He misses the MB and kills the chain, but the **** (apparently) comes out okay.

You start fighting again, and within two more fights, a noob on his way to Cape Terrigan brings a train the likes of which has never been seen before. The train includes at least 16 Robber Crabs, 3 Diplopods, and 4 Haunts. Given the size of the train, I can't be entirely sure, but I'm almost positive I saw Bubbly Bernie, Tom Tit Tat, Serket, and Ganon in there. It's not clear how one can even make a train like this, particularly since Ganon is from "The Legend of Zelda." Nevertheless, the entire party is wiped.

I do not recommend that you join this party.




I have never laughed so hard at work in my life. Pure hilarity.
____________________________
=====================
Valleo - Cerberus Server
#6 Aug 25 2005 at 8:40 AM Rating: Good
**
518 posts
LOL big time. I'd buy that in a heart beat. Please get to work on it. I need it by Christmas. ;)
____________________________
BST52 - WAR40 - DRK32 - MNK25 - WHM31 (solo) - PUP20 - BLU3
#7 Aug 25 2005 at 8:41 AM Rating: Good
**
329 posts
I would pay 5 million gil for this.

I really liked the Gannon thing... Rate up!
____________________________
Haggai
Black Mage 53 / White Mage 26
Spungy wrote:
They aren't scared of the Swirling Vortex, they are gimp Chocobos that can't get their promys done.

Mega EXP
Do you suffer from delusions of 1337-ness?
#8 Aug 25 2005 at 8:43 AM Rating: Good
*
230 posts
This has gotta be the funnyest post ever, respect

I think the party-o-meter in my case will always tell me to /decline -_-;
____________________________
Gentlemen wrote:
Im near your spawn points, sapping your teleporters!
#9 Aug 25 2005 at 8:44 AM Rating: Good
*
63 posts
....ooh, sounds like an infomercial! o.o

I would pay four installments of $24.95 plus tax and shipping, and I want the purse-sized evaluator included so I can take it on dates and find out beforehand that his mother will call in the middle of dessert to ask how his visit to the chiropodist went, that he subscribes to an Internet religion based on the firm belief that disco will return and bring peace to the earth, and that, yes, it IS a toupée, and don't touch his hair for any reason.

Ratey-uppy. (b^-^)b
#10 Aug 25 2005 at 8:45 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
**
445 posts
Not only did I crack up in the middle of work reading this, I immediately had to post it on my LS forums as a link to this page AND emailed it to several friends. Congrats! VERY FUNNY!
____________________________
Hitokage - Asura
BLM: 75 WHM: 37 BST: 59

Rheywolf - BLM is a glass cannon. Sure, they can MB Freeze on a slime for 6,000 damage. But it takes the average beastman 3.5 seconds to disembowel a BLM and unceremoniously defile the remains.

Morgrist - BLM: Elemental - mostly mental.
#11 Aug 25 2005 at 8:52 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
*
155 posts
Nice post, that would be very beneficial, but my question is...would you ever actually get a good reading on Valkrum? Can I get some odds on that? 10 to 1 on a crappy experience? :)
____________________________
Current Character:
Boone-Remora Server
Lvl 62Rdm/31Whm

#12 Aug 25 2005 at 9:13 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
**
261 posts
love reading posts like this while im at work.
funny stuff
thanks
____________________________
Beamer
Carbuncle
DRK 63, Thf 75, Rng 51,
War 37, Nin 37, Cor 35, Smn 35,
Sam 27, Bst 71, Sch 32, Dnc 60
CoP:O
Linkshell: Yoooooo
#13 Aug 25 2005 at 9:20 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
Avatar
**
928 posts
Quote:
You start fighting again, and within two more fights, a noob on his way to Cape Terrigan brings a train the likes of which has never been seen before. The train includes at least 16 Robber Crabs, 3 Diplopods, and 4 Haunts. Given the size of the train, I can't be entirely sure, but I'm almost positive I saw Bubbly Bernie, Tom Tit Tat, Serket, and Ganon in there. It's not clear how one can even make a train like this, particularly since Ganon is from "The Legend of Zelda." Nevertheless, the entire party is wiped.


This part was quite possibly the funniest thing i have ever read on these forums... rate up!
____________________________
Arestia: Tarutaru Male
Pheonix Server (formerly Titan ; ;)
90 SMN/ 90 BLU / 83 WHM BRD / 75 BRD / 45 NIN / 36 DRG / 34 BLM / 23 BST / 19 PUP / 19 DNC / 17 WAR /
#14 Aug 25 2005 at 9:24 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
**
388 posts
This device would have a wonderful additional effect:

It would let you know if YOU are the worst party member in the world.

Think about it. If someone considers themselves to be "leet" but every time they go to join a party it gives the "I do not recomend that you join this party message".

How long would it take for the penny to drop?

And hey, if the penny never drops, they never join any more parties. win-win situation.

Seriously, I have an uncle that can produce these in the thosands. I consider it our duty to all FFXI players that we sneak one of these into every copy of FFXI sold from now on.
____________________________
Character: Nikkyo LS - Sanoske/GlassEmpire
Server: Carbuncle
Jobs: 75WHM / 63SMN / 52RDM / 37BLM
http://ffxi.allakhazam.com/profile.xml?76140
Avatars: O Fenrir: O Sky: O

{Please check it}
Then (NEXT),adverb. Next or after that:
-Let me finish this job, then we'll go
Than preposition, conjunction
Used to join two parts of a comparison:
-My son is a lot taller than my daughter.

#15 Aug 25 2005 at 9:25 AM Rating: Excellent
Avatar
******
23,925 posts
Smiley: lol
Quote:
He is Rank 10 in all 3 citites. He will /wave, /bow, and immediately disconnect and never be heard from again

Classic!



Amazing...truly amazing!


You obviously do not need the rate ups, so here is a Moogle
Smiley: moogle

Edited, Thu Aug 25 10:35:17 2005 by Soracloud
____________________________
Rochefort Dean ~ FFXIV ARR ~ Ultros ~ DoH all @ 50
Soracloud ~ FFXI ~ RIP

Beer Advocate

Friar Tuck wrote:
This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about... BEER.

#16 Aug 25 2005 at 9:26 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
***
3,139 posts
Quote:
I must confess that I do not have much of an "inventor's streak" running through me.


I dont know, you invented THE FUNNIEST POST EVER!!


Rate up, and put me on the mailing list, i do care what it costs.

____________________________
Shiva
75 WAR
75 RDM
75 BRD
75 BLM
75 PLD
43 WHM
64 NIN
66 SAM
42 DRK
37 MNK
38 THF
62 Blu
37 Cor
37 Dnc
100+1 cooking

Papawarlock said:
Quote:
*****OMFGWTFBBQ?!*****
-------------------------------------------------
That's n00bspeak. Pg 203 of the N00bonics-English translation book. Translation- Dude! The black mage just made us Dhalmel Steaks with his Firaga III spell. Nice!

#17 Aug 25 2005 at 9:47 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
**
281 posts
Quote:
The replacement arrives. He has excellent equipment. He is Rank 10 in all 3 citites. He will /wave, /bow, and immediately disconnect and never be heard from again



I saw that and I started cracking up. Good job with that part especially...

o.O now where do I buy one....
____________________________
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Alva Edison

#18 Aug 25 2005 at 10:38 AM Rating: Good
**
314 posts
ho man, that was funny... the nigh on apocalyptic "bad party" is seriously some good humor. You gotta watch out for that Bubbly Bernie, he's a mean SOB (and I don't mean Star Onion Brigade, if you get my drift)

Oddly, I could see something like this working, if the servers kept an in-depth of this kind if stuff. Sadly, there's only one way to find out how good/bad a party really is...
____________________________
Server: Kujata
Name: Kholdstare
Cooking: 77
BST 52 BLU 48
#19 Aug 25 2005 at 10:39 AM Rating: Good
Scholar
*
218 posts
That's classic. I can't remember the last time I actually burst out laughing just reading a post on a message board.

5 stars and 2 thumbs up b(^.^)d
____________________________
Generic Signature
#20 Aug 25 2005 at 10:52 AM Rating: Excellent
Scholar
**
643 posts
FUNNY stuff!! My rate-up won't help you but I'll do it anyways. (Btw, I'd easily pay $100+ for that thing. ;) )
____________________________
Gilgamesh:
Cadance - Windurst - Rank 7
75 RDM / 37 BLM / 37 WHM / 11 BRD / 03 BST
AF Done: All!
To Do: ZM14, Windy mission 7.2, Level

"We Lie, We Cheat, We Steal"
R.I.P. Eddie Guerrero, 1967-2005
#21 Aug 25 2005 at 11:08 AM Rating: Excellent
Scholar
***
1,622 posts
You'd make a killing in the add-on market as well:

During today's mining excursion, you will get 3 Darksteel Ores in your first hour. You will break one Iron Ingot synth, but will not lose any other materials; all other synths will succeed. Bat wings and Zeruhn Soot will fall into your inventory like rain in Seattle. I highly recommend you go mining today.

Your first 3 ferry trips will consist largely of subligars, tuna, Ryugu Titan, and no-catches. On the 4th ferry trip, you will go AFK below deck just long enough for someone to train the Sea Horror downstairs and kill you. The fishing will be so bad that the cost of a stack of Noble Ladies will be deducted from your current gil total. Pirates will appear, but after 10 minutes of not getting the Sand Charm, one of the NMs will appear and kill you. I do not recommend you go fishing today.
____________________________
BRD | BST | COR | WHM | NIN | THF | DNC | WAR | BLM 75
Fishing 72.0 [Cooking 95.0] [Alchemy 98.0] [Woodworking 72.0]
Waders: 2005-05-30 | Lu Shang's: 2005-09-02 | Apron: 2008-07-20
#22 Aug 25 2005 at 11:37 AM Rating: Good
**
807 posts
That was so halarious that im mad at you! I'm at work and i couldnt stop laughing! Thats not good for the performance review!

Btw. Excellent humor, i loved the part about the blm taking a crap. ^^
#23 Aug 25 2005 at 11:37 AM Rating: Good
*
208 posts
"I'd buy that for a dollar!"

Can you make a mod for it to see if the person asking you for help with LB2 even knows where he has to go and has done all the proper cutscenes before heading out of town?
____________________________
Please sell Orange Kuchen on the AH again ;_;
#24 Aug 25 2005 at 11:53 AM Rating: Excellent
Matzo Ballerina
******
22,688 posts
Didn't Steve Allen already invent this?

Seriously, rate up even if you are at 5.00! This is the funniest thing I've read all day! :D
____________________________
The current's too strong. They've got to let go, drift apart. That's how it is with us. It's a shame, Kath, because we've loved each other all our lives. But in the end, we can't stay together forever.
#25 Aug 25 2005 at 12:19 PM Rating: Good
Kindred of the Zilart
****
9,835 posts
Awesome. Rate up
____________________________
BANNED
#26 Aug 25 2005 at 3:52 PM Rating: Good
Avatar
**
367 posts
umm maybe some is playing around with a voodo doll of ur party >.>
« Previous 1 2 3 4
Reply To Thread

Colors Smileys Quote OriginalQuote Checked Help

 

Recent Visitors: 1 All times are in CST
Anonymous Guests (1)