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#102 Aug 24 2016 at 10:36 AM Rating: Good
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Hopefully some antipsychotics.
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#103 Aug 29 2016 at 4:34 AM Rating: Default
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lolgaxe wrote:
Hopefully some antipsychotics.


I'm not psychotic. One pill my shrink suggested I take for my anxiety (nominally an anti-psychotic drug, but possible anti-anxiety too, can't recall the name) actually made me psychotic or schizo that and the next night. Early on I realized this was really bad and hid knives from my kitchen into unlikely places, so as not to cut my own throat to make my mind stop. Not classic psychosis there perhaps, but rather some kind of non-ego suicidal import due to overwhelming mental anguish, just wanted to end it at any cost, even death. And utterly unlike my normal insomnia. This was torture. Two nights of standing up to my knees in a bed and slamming my fists against my ears just to try to keep some semblance of mental-physical condition and reason to not kill myself. Why not quit after the first night? I had hope that it would help even still.

But since then I am now much more sympathetic to schizo people and such. Which is maybe weird because as someone with severe various sorts of anxiety I'd dismissed those thinking it wasn't valid, yet at the same time was "come on schizos, how hard is it to see the world for what it is? Just try! Stop talking nonsense conspiracies and such!"

Mental problems can't prepare one for how others suffer. And no one, including me, and maybe others who have clean minds, can grok how awful it must to be just a level up. Mental problems are AWFUL. And there's a serious lack of solutions.

That's not necessarily a reason I suck as a poster here of course. But just an anecdote. Pharmaceuticals are remarkably awful at solutions. And can even make things worse. It's taken me 30 years to find a sleep aid that works without destroying me (trazadone: I only now am awake 2-3 hours, which is relatively glorious. Several hundred less tosses and turns and thoughts running rampant.)

And just to mention, anti-depressant side-effects (I'm not suffering chronic depression anymore, it was suddenly replaced) imo are a big function of Sylvia Plath's poems. Such as "A Birthday Present":

"What is this, behind this veil, is it ugly, is it beautiful?
It is shimmering, has it breasts, has it edges?
"

"I do not want much of a present, anyway, this year.
After all I am alive only by accident.

I would have killed myself gladly that time any possible way.
Now there are these veils, shimmering like curtains,

The diaphanous satins of a January window
White as babies' bedding and glittering with dead breath. O ivory!
"

"If you only knew how the veils were killing my days.
To you they are only transparencies, clear air.

But my god, the clouds are like cotton.
Armies of them. They are carbon monoxide.
"

A common effect of anti-depressants is at that and at least my long-ago time too a lack of caring about anything. A sort of antipathy to an emotion. A dead soul, numbness. And a veil, a veil. What one used to be emotional about is now stunted and just rote. I believe this is what some of Plath's poems were about.






#104 Aug 29 2016 at 8:12 AM Rating: Good
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50,767 posts
Palpitus1 wrote:
I'm not psychotic.
Not very convincing.
____________________________
George Carlin wrote:
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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